Work Christmas Party

Common Sense Isn't So Common

There are two pedestrian bridges that cross a super busy street here on campus - one on each end of the biggest parking lot the University owns.

It was decided about a month ago that these bridges would be repainted and re-fenced.

Right during the middle of finals.

Yeah, I know.

Awesome.

Anyway, they decided to close only one at a time so the other would be open and fully accessible for students to get to their finals.

We've received a lot of complaints.

My very favorite was this one girl.

She provided endless entertainment at the office.

She got to the foot of the pedestrian bridge and found she couldn't cross that bridge to get to her final.

Did she walk the 200 yards to the other bridge?

Nope.

What did she do?

She just turned around and went back home.

And, I'm not saying she did this, but she might have called an attorney.

And I'm not saying that this happened, but someone might have threatened to sue due to "inaccessibility of the testing site".

If I ever go back to school and am not ready for my finals, I'm totally going to use this excuse.

Where Have You Been All My Life?

The Interim Big Boss is a local boy.

Meaning he knows everyone who lives or who has ever lived in the Golden Triangle.

Even the important people.

I happen to have a copy of my book on my desk.

He started rifling through it yesterday.

When I told him I'd written it, he was incredulous.

He's been to Japan several times.

Of course he has!

Anyway, the book lead to multiple conversations about where I'd been and what I'd done.

He asked what I studied at BYU.

When I told him that I have a bachelor's degree in Recreation Management, he said, "What on earth are you doing working in facilities then?"

I told him I'd applied at the on-campus rec center at least three times over the last four years and had never even gotten an interview.

Guess what?

He just happens to be friends with the director of the rec center.

And he had a meeting set up with him already, so he said he'd tell the guy about me.

Then, we went to the President's Christmas Party and lo and behold, there was The Interim with the director of the rec center. 

The Interim introduced us and conversationally brought up the job I'd applied for.

The Director said, "That job!  We've hired three people for it and none of them have stuck.  We're re-opening the position in a couple of weeks."

The Interim smoothly inserted that hey, this girl right here has a degree in that area and HEY! she really would like to have a job like that.

Later on, after I'd left, The Director told The Interim that when I applied to make sure to let him know and he'd put it at the top of the pile.

The Interim, when I told him that I didn't exactly have all the necessary certifications for the job, told me that he had the ear of The President and he was pretty sure he could get the university to pay for whatever training I need (about $12,000 worth).

I'm all fired up.

I've lusted after a job like this for ten years.

Except I'd just about made up my mind to quit my job here and start massage therapy part-time so I can stay home with Carolyn.

This has thrown a wrench in that plan.

And it's wrecking my head.

The President's Christmas Party

The President of the University throws many parties throughout the year.

They're during the day and I don't have to take time off to go, so kind of get fired up about them.

I always drive over with Vonda.

Vonda's worked at The University for at least seventy-eight years.

She knows everyone.

And their dogs, too.

Usually I find the most comfortable seat in the room and watch people instead of actually mingling.

Because I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to observe their social weirdnesses.

The food is pretty much the same at every party since they're all catered by the same company.

Tiny cucumber sandwiches with cream cheese and paprika.

Spinach and artichoke dip crostinis.

And, a little tart with curly chocolate shavings on top.

I get seduced by that one every time.

I always regret it.

Because it pretty much tastes like dirt.

This year, extra excitement was added with real, live, lit candles.

I kept an eye on the name-tag-writing table.

I was just sure one of the ladies was going to lean over and accidentally catch her hair on fire.

It didn't happen.

But it would have been a lot cooler if it had.

Maybe next year I can talk someone into fireworks.

Or a bonfire.

Cry-It-Out

1.  Carolyn woke up at her usual time again last night.  I swear, she's got an internal alarm.  And again, she didn't cry.  She just talked.  REALLY LOUDLY.  For like 20 minutes.  When I went in to "calm her down", she was ready to have a full conversation.  How are you supposed to practice the cry-it-out method when the baby isn't crying?  But, crying or not, she still wakes me up.  In the end, Husband went in, gave her her paci and then came back to bed and went straight back to sleep.  I was awake for at least another hour and then woke up every 20-30 minutes after that even though the baby was asleep.

2.  The daycare gave me a piece of paper yesterday saying they needed me to bring diapers for Carolyn.  Um.  I brought 108 of them on Monday (marked with her name).  And according to the daily report papers I've gotten, only 15 of them should be gone.  What happened to the other 93?

3.  Carolyn has changed already since Monday.  She is so much more smiley when we get home.  I think it's mostly because it's really the only true interaction she gets during the day.  And that makes me unhappy.  But the smiles and laughs crack me up.

4.  Carolyn is sick.  Again.  It seems like she's been perpetually sick since the middle of October.  Today she joined the legion of daycare kids with green snot running out of their noses.  I wish there was a way for me to keep her home for a couple of weeks to get her 100% well.

5.  The Tummy Toucher ran me down in the parking lot the other day - literally, ran me down...I was running away from her.  On purpose.  She said her mother is flying in for a few weeks and she really wants me to meet her and she really wants her mom to meet the baby.  Ok.  Um.  I really wonder what it's like to live in her world.  Because for the nine millionth time, we are not friends.  NOT FRIENDS.  Like I'm not even friendly toward her anymore.  And even if I were, I don't want her alcoholic mother around my child nor do I want to spend my Sunday afternoon entertaining her mother and her two destructive children at my home.

6.  I think Husband and I have made the decision to go ahead and drop our health insurance.  We're paying $400/month in premiums right now and only using it for Carolyn's well-baby visits.  If we went on Husband's insurance, we'd be paying $550-600 in premiums.  We're thinking about just putting that money in a savings account and paying cash for medical expenses.  Oh, and getting a little catastrophic insurance plan just in case.

7.  One of my secret admirers left a gift of hot chocolate on my desk this morning.  I'm thrilled.  On top of that, the Interim Big Boss brought me a Chick-Fil-A breakfast biscuit.  It really doesn't get better than that.

8.  They're calling animal control to come pick up the feral cats tomorrow.  Yesterday a lady came to pick up my three favorite cats to take to her house.  I kept telling the Small Orange that he was going to a place where they'd be nice to him.   Yes, I cried.  It was like giving up my child.

9.  If anyone wants a Christmas massage, I'm now working Saturdays at Tina's Heavenly Touch.  They also do mani/pedis there.  It's a newly refurbished salon with lots of nail techs/massage therapists that are trying to build clientele.  Oh, and they do gift certificates for all of those teacher/bus driver/babysitter gifts you feel obligated to give out.

Cha-Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes

The work upheaval from yesterday has continued today.

In fact, it kind of vomited on today.

Upheavals are awesome.

Because they make everyone maaaaaaad.

And that, in turn, makes being at work awesome.

Awesome as in I'd-rather-jump-naked-on-a-huge-pile-of-thumbtacks-while-also-shoving-bamboo-shoots-under-my-fingernails.

The only change to my job so far came last night. 

At 4:55pm.

Why does everything have to happen five minutes before it's time to leave?

I was called into the office and told that my work attire is not professional enough.

I was surprised.

Because I've worked here for over a year and no one's ever said anything to me about it.

I happen to totally agree. 

I am the first person seen when anyone walks in the door.

I should look nice.

That being said, it was all I could do to not burst into tears for the following reasons:

1.  Having just had a baby (can I still stay that even though it's been four months?), my body has kind-of-sort-of been reshaped.  Some things are bigger, some things are smaller, some things hang lower.  In other words, I have approximately one, count it, one dress that I can actually fit into without the help of Spanx.  I used to think it was normal to wear gut squeezers.  Now, I value my oxygen intake waaaay too much.  I don't have a single pair of pants, jeans or otherwise, that fit.  I also happen to be one of those really lucky ladies whose feet have never returned to their regular, pre-pregnancy size.  Therefore, the only shoes I have that fit are flip flops.  Am I happy about or proud of any of this?  No.  I have regular self-bashing sessions nightly when I stand in front of the mirror grabbing my purple-stretch-marked tummy, trying to figure out a way to smooth it out.  But, my new body is a fact for now.  And, even if I had a pile of extra money lying around, which I definitely don't, I would refuse to buy clothes to fit this body.  It has to change sooner or later.  Hopefully sooner.

2.  I happen to be the mother of a baby who spits up.  A LOT.  If I hold her, snuggle her, feed her, play with her, talk to her, or touch her even a little bit, I end up with milk curd all over my clothes.  It's fine except for when I'm walking out the door to work and it happens.  Even if I plan to wear nice clothes, I usually end up having to change into something different before I leave.  If it's clean, that's an extra bonus.

3.  Anyone who thinks I'm going to wake up even earlier to fix my hair or iron clothes is sadly mistaken.  I now value every second of sleep I get.  And, getting myself and a baby ready in the morning is challenging enough.  They should be happy I wear clothes at all.

4.  Asking me to wear nice clothes to work is kind of like telling someone who works at a Chevron to wear a dress.  A lot of my job includes wallowing on the floor looking for files from 1972.  And moving dirty, dusty piles of stuff.  Nice clothes do nothing but get in the way.

Anyway, I ended up kind of feeling like a step-child.

In this state of mind, I went to pick up my baby.

The babysitter's five-year-old son answered the door.

He said, "Did you go to the haircutting store today?"

I said, "No.  Why?  Does my hair look better or worse?"

He thought for a minute and said, "Worse.  A lot worse."

I should have known better than to ask...

At Work...

I just talked to an Irishman on the phone.

I heard his accent and said, "Are you Irish??"

When he confirmed that he was, I might have gone on and on about how I have a friend from Drougheda and how that makes me practically half Irish.

I don't think he appreciated it at all.

I can't know why.

I was totally trying to build a relationship of trust.

In other news, there has been a huge upheaval here at work.

As such, there are so many power plays going on, I can't keep track of who's doing what.

Some of the stuff that's going on is hysterical. 

Other stuff is completely childish.

No one knows for sure what happened, but there are rumors.

Oh, the rumors that are flying around this place.

I keep catching other employees having whispered conversations with each other.

I'm mostly just minding my own business.

And singing Christmas songs loudly at my desk for all to enjoy.

I'm just doing what I can to promote a joyful, not-to-mention-awesome work atmosphere.

In Case You Haven't Heard, I'm Ruthless

1.  There's a guy who works in my office who jams the community printer literally every time he uses it.  It's right by my desk.  That means I spend at least two hours un-jamming it, 45 minutes of which are spent with all the men in my office hovering, offering unhelpful suggestions, repeatedly commenting on what a piece of junk the printer is.  I wish I had administrative access.  I would un-network that guy so fast, his head would spin.  I know.  I'm totally ruthless.

2.  I've been wearing the same pair of flip flops almost every day for the past eight months.  Yes, even when I was pregnant and my feet were so swollen, they flopped over the sides after I spent 15 minutes jamming my sausage toes under the strap.  They stink now.  Bad.  But I don't have any other flip flops to switch to, so I just continue to wear them.  And when someone makes a comment on how it smells like dirty gym shoes, I just sniff the air right along with them and make comments as to how I wish it would stop smelling.  I'll never fess up.

3.  Does anyone else watch The Amazing Race?  Is it just me or does that show have a lot of really jerky guys on it?  There are currently three dating couples in the race.  I want to punch all of the men in the head - because they're constantly yelling at their girlfriends.  And demeaning them.  On national TV.  I'll tell you one thing.  If any man treated me in that fashion, he'd quickly find himself with a frying pan to the face. 

4.  I have a "friend" on Facebook who steals my status updates and uses them as her own.  This bugs me for three reasons:  #1 she never takes out the phrase "As Queen Princess of the Entire World".  Ummm...hello!  There is only one Queen Princess and it is me.  #2 You can only plagiarize from me if you ask me first.  And #3 Isn't a Facebook status supposed to be about you?  Not a Girl you've only ever talked to three times?   She'd better watch her P's and Q's or she's going to find herself un-friended...and cut off from her endless supply of status updates from yours truly.  Once again, I am ruthless.  Don't mess with me.

5.  I think Carolyn is regressing in her sleeping patterns.  When she was 8 weeks old, she slept through the night for an entire month.  Like ten hours through the night.  Then she started waking up once a night and sleeping through the night about every third or fourth day.  Then she stopped sleeping through the night at all.  For the last week, she's been up at least twice a night.  Last night she wouldn't go to sleep at all.  Then she was up at 12:30, 3:15, and 5.  Good grief, but I had to draaaggggg myself out of bed this morning to go to work.  I'm exhausted.

6.  It's been two whole weeks since we put Carolyn on Zantac.  At first I thought it was helping.  Then, she got sick and the spitting up got worse.  On Saturday, we only had to change her once and I was about ready to declare victory.  I want to declare victory at least three times a week.  Then, yesterday she soaked five burp rags, two sets of my clothes, three sets of her clothes,  the ottoman, her toy blanket, and the couch at church.  What gives? 

7.  Husband turned the heater on yesterday morning.  I hate the smell when the heater gets turned on for the first time of the season.  Plus, I was really, really enjoying the 65 degree house.  Husband thinks I should stop being so selfish because 65 degrees is too cold for a baby.

8.  The talks yesterday in church were on gratitude.  One girl talked about how much her husband has to work and how sometimes, she starts to resent him because she then becomes solely responsible for the care of their children.  I felt guilty.  Because I feel that way toward Husband quite often.  I try so hard to remember that the reason he's gone so much is because he's trying to provide for our family.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it doesn't.  Why do I have to be so weak??

9.  I made red velvet cupcakes last night.  I don't think I'll ever understand how to bake at sea level - they turned out a little dry and very flat.  They taste ok, but they're certainly not pretty. 

10.  I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week.  The days at work drag by with nothing to do, but then I look back and it's been an entire month.  The good news is, Husband's last day of this semester is only 3.5 weeks away.  Hallelujah.

Blech

I don't know what got into me.

I just washed my water bottle at work.

With the grody work hand soap.

Because that's all there is.

The hand soap leaves an after taste and after smell for approximately 921 years.

So every drink you take after you've washed the bottle is kind of like getting your mouth washed out with soap and not knowing or understanding why.

I'm currently trying to decide which is better - grody soap taste/smell or grody mildewy crust that forms around the ring of the lid in approximately 30 seconds after filling the bottle.

I'm kind of leaning toward the crust.

Thoughts for Thursday

1.  Is it a rule that all officers of the law have to wear painted-on-tight uniforms?  Like, it wouldn't hurt if they were given a little breathing room, would it?

2.  After waking up at 3 am for the past 10 days, Carolyn slept all the way until nearly 7 this morning.  I don't get it.

3.  I'm just wondering if the zit in between my eyes can get any bigger.

4.  The building I work in smells like the sewer.  You don't realize it until you walk out and walk back in.  And then you're embarrassed because there have been at least 30 visitors who've been here today who probably have wondered why we're not doing anything about the smell.

5.  My favorite work cat is back after a 4.5 month hiatus.  She's gotten a little chubby.

6.  One of the contractors brought me a paper weight with the school mascot emblazoned on it.  I thought it was a coaster.  I continue to use it as if it is.

7.  I wish people wouldn't ask me how my baby is unless they're really going to stop to listen to the answer.

8.  I used to feel really sorry for stupid people.  Sometimes I still do, but now for the most part, I can only manage a, "Oh, man, come on, dude!"  For instance, The Tummy Toucher, who apparently doesn't know how to buy produce asked me yesterday if I could teach her how to use a curling iron.  Seriously??  How hard can it be?  And by looking at me, what makes you think I even use one?

9.  I've been gathering recipes for the crockpot so we'll actually have dinner to eat when we get home in the evening.  Then I realized that I don't really like meals from the crockpot.  For the most part, despite what meat you use, it all tastes the same - boiled.

10.  The hairdresser I went to last weekend tried to sell me some vitamins for hair loss (it's still falling out in handfuls.  I'm surprised I'm not bald already).  Ok, um, do you seriously think I'd buy vitamins from a 19-year-old-girl who has bright purple hair and a mustache tattooed on her finger??

Bubble Wrap Equals Awesome

The Mousy One heard I was having a bad day.

So he brought me some pink bubble wrap to play with.

Then, together we lamented the current state of the win/loss records of our football teams.

His team lost to Iowa State last week.

I KNOW! 

So embarrassing.

Of course, I can't really talk since my team lost to Utah State at the beginning of the month.

After he left, I popped the bubble wrap and then wrapped it around my hand and pretended I was shooting spider webs out of my hands like Spiderman.

I did that for three reasons:

1.  I'm sleep deprived.
2.  I'm bored.
3.  Mentally, I'm eight-years-old.

The fun ended when someone I didn't know walked in the door and totally caught me doing web-making sound effects.

Mad at the World

Today I'm mad at the world.

I'm sick. 

Again.

Baby is sick.

Husband is sick.

I was awake about 90% of the night.

I didn't dare take any kind of sleep aide/cold meds in case Carolyn had a bad night.

She did.

I did.

By 3 am, I'd given up sleeping at all.

I was covered in baby snot, baby spit-up, Erin snot, and Erin tears.

A 5 am shower took care of all of that.

Only to be covered in all of the same stuff again by 7 with no time to change before leaving.

I was late to the babysitter's and therefore, late to work.

I got my new health insurance information.

My deductible has gone up.  So have all of the co-pays.  There's a new deductible on medications.  And my out-of-pocket maximum has doubled.  They now take more money out of my monthly paycheck toward premiums.  How is that even possible??  I'm no financial expert, but less coverage should equal less money out of my pocket, right?

As I was stewing over insurance coverage, more bad news.

You know that access to all of the campus systems I was bragging about getting? 

And how I'd now be so totally busy at work? 

Yeah.

Um.

Neither of those things is going to happen.

Because apparently no one around here thinks I'm smart enough to handle the responsibility that comes with said access.

This was discussed directly over my head, while I was standing right there.

Normally, I'd let everything roll off my back.

But instead I'm mad.

And exhausted.

And literally snotty.

Can't I just go home and crawl back in bed?

I'm the Smartest Person I Know

1.  I just love being put in the middle of stuff.  Especially passive-aggressive stuff.  Where I have no clue what's going on.  The powers that be at work oppose each other on a regular basis.  It usually happens right over the top of my desk.  I sit here and think, "Oh, good grief!  Can you please talk to one another like adults, make a decision, and then give me the work??"

2.  I used the snot sucker on Carolyn all by myself today.  It was grody.

3.  My office sits about 400 meters from the university's basketball arena marquee.  For the past two weeks, they've listed people's names on the marquee along with "Football POW", "Band POW", etc.  I thought it was for one of those fund raisers where they "put people in jail" and then you have to donate cash to get them out.  I just found out that in this case POW means "player of the week".  Yeah, I'm pretty much the smartest person I know.  Anyway, this caused me to wonder what you have to do to become the band POW.  Like do you have to blow your horn with extra gusto or something?

4.  To my child and future child(ren): I don't really do vomit, so if you happen to toss your cookies, you will have to clean it up yourselves.

5.  You know those girls who look smashing even with their hair in one of those messy ponytails?  I'm totally not one of those.  Mostly when I do that, I just look like I haven't showered.  In a year.

6.  In the past week, I've gone from the-girl-who-sits-at-work-and-plays-on-the-Internet to a semi-purchasing agent.  Uh-huh, ME.  They are now training me to do purchase orders.  Soon to follow will be access of my very own to the purchase order system and the campus work order system.  This makes me laugh for two reasons: 1.  I've worked here for over a year and they finally just now trust me enough to give me access. 2.  If there's anyone on the face of the planet who shouldn't be allowed to input purchase orders, it's totally me.  Because I'm horrible with little details and numbers of any kind.

7.  And speaking of purchase orders, I still have no idea what I'm doing.  They have yet to show me the process from start to finish (and believe me, there are at least 352 steps) so everything is all mixed up in my mind.

8.  The HR lady at the office kind of scares me a little bit.  But, she has a candy basket of good candy on her desk.  Sometimes I need some.  So I watch the clock until I know she's at lunch and then go to her office to raid the basket.

9.  My body still randomly expels breastmilk.  Yesterday, some of it got on my clothes, but I didn't have time to change before going to work.  At lunch, I was sitting out on the porch eating my delicious corn bread when I was accosted by the wild work cats.  I thought they wanted my corn bread.  Nope.  One of them climbed right up onto my lap and started to try to nurse the part of my shirt that had the dried breastmilk on it.  It was hysterical and at the same time, completely humiliating.  It might have made me feel a little like a milk cow.

10.  I forgot my lunch today.

I Have a Disease

1.  I have a disease.  It's apparently incurable.  It's called HaveToHaveThatStuff.  Seriously, ever since I was a little girl, I've had a fascination with notebooks. And journals.  And stickers.  And pens.  And folders.  In third grade, I was so convinced my life would be better if only I could have that Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper.  I still feel that way.  Not about Trapper Keepers, but about paper products in general.  I honestly have to avoid going down the school supply and scrap booking aisles in all stores.  Because if I end up there, I have to stop and stare.  And think about all the writing I could do in that pink-flower-covered notebook.  And how cute a scrapbook would be if I just had those stickers.  The funny thing?  I rarely write by hand anymore - I type.  And I haven't scrap booked in years.  But I still feel like I need that stuff.

2.  Carolyn has officially caught her first cold.  It's the saddest thing I've ever seen.  It kills me to hear her little clogged breathing.  We got out the snot sucker.  I made Husband do it, because her screaming little red face upsets me.

3.  The Tummy Toucher just came and took some grapes off my desk.  Without asking.  Then she said that she always wants to buy produce but she doesn't know how.  What the H?  If you don't know how to do something, you get on the bleedin' Internet for instructions.  And then stop taking my food!

4.  I have a hard time understanding what would possess someone to purchase a yellow car. 

5.  Is it just me, or are there like eighty-five million people in southeast Texas with some kind of allergy?  I swear, before I moved down here, the only real allergy I'd ever heard of was hayfever.

6.  Today is October 26th.  When I walked out the door this morning it was nigh on to 80 degrees.  The high today is supposed to be close to 90.  Ugh.  When is fall going to come?

7.  I can't get enough of this song.  Plus, this is a good video to like learn how to read with (ten points to anyone who can name that quote).  I also can't get enough of this video.  It cracks me up.

8.  My hair is falling out in handfuls.  Literally.  My hair is getting stringy and grody.  Time for a haircut - but what do I do with it?

9.  When does your body get back to normal after pregnancy?  Like when have the hormones cycled out of your system?  Because I still feel exhausted even though Carolyn actually sleeps pretty well.  I don't know if I should blame it on hormones or if I should go get thyroid levels checked.

10.  They are pulling a re-design at my very favorite grocery store.  I shop there because for the last three years, everything's been in the same place.  Now they're moving stuff and I can't find anything.  On Saturday, I walked from one end of the store to the other at least five times.  I hate that.  I am a very methodical shopper and things out of their places makes me flustered.

Check Out My Form

Lesson learned today:  Never, in this era of technological advancement, say that a picture of something doesn't exist.

Here I am today on the Lamar University football field - obviously displaying my blazing fast speed.  Why else would the picture be so blurry (I mean, other than the fact that it was taken with an iTouch from really far away)?  I also might have been doing some of my very best dance moves.

GET YOUR RED ON!

Here is my department's entry to this week's school spirit competition.  Originally, we were supposed to be driving down the football field on a golf cart.  That would have been cooler.  In the end, we didn't get to drive on the field at all.  So instead, I ran down the ramp and did a victory dance in the end zone all by my onesies (I also ran down like 20 yards of the field and then promptly almost died of out-of-shapeness).  There are no pictures of that.  I don't know why.  Apparently no one else understands the makings of a great photo.

After seeing the following picture, all I could think was, "My hair really looks like that??  I am soooo not good looking in the humidity."  And then I wanted to call my hairdresser.  Except I don't have one.  Obviously.

Sprinting Through My Mind

1.  I wonder if there exists anywhere on the planet a job where everyone is nice to everyone.  Like where no one talks behind anyone else's back.  I would like to work there.

2. There's a huge push in the community to support the Lamar University football team.  The campaign is called, "GET YOUR RED ON!"  Well, it's Friday here at the Facilities Department and there might be one or two employees who aren't wearing red.  I'm wearing the only red shirt I own - a Ruby Valley Mustangs shirt I stole from my brother on my last visit home.  We all look like a bunch of Target employees.

3.  Going along with the Get Your Red On campaign, there's also an on-campus competition with the award going to the department who shows the most spirit.  Today the Facilities Department is going to take a picture that includes the mascot, a golf cart, and driving around on the football field.  I don't really have specifics, but I'm hoping to be the one nominated to drive the golf cart.

4.  I cornered the orange work cat today and petted him until he started to like it.  Then I got in trouble because I walked into the office and he walked in right after me like he owned the place.  And naturally, I couldn't catch him to put him back out.

5.  My very favorite part of any day is Carolyn's bath time.  She's starting to understand splashing and the look on her face is priceless.

6.  And speaking of Carolyn, she still categorically refuses to participate in tummy time.  She's fine for 30 seconds where she pushes herself up really well.  Then she gets mad and starts to flail.  After that, there's no calming her down or convincing her to try to hold her head up again.  We've tried laying next to her, putting a toy for her to look at, etc.  Nothing works.

7.  I wonder if there will ever be a time again where I don't get to work and find some previously unnoticed spit-up on my shirt.

8.  I have a lot of friends who profess not to believe in God or in a life after this one.  It's amazing to me how they change their tune when they lose someone they love.  Of course, when that happens, they suddenly believe in some type of after-life, but they're really mad at God.

9.  I love to pick Carolyn up from the babysitter's because she's got four kids of her own who are the cutest kids on the planet.  My very favorite is her soon-to-be five-year-old son.  He used to be in my class at church.  I wish he still was.  Wednesday as I was pulling out of the driveway, he shouted, "Ok!  Bye bye!  See you later!  I'll kiss you someday!"

10.  Looks like I'm not even going to get an interview at the chiropractic office.  The other job I was interested in has also been filled.  In talking to other massage therapists, it seems that the recession has finally hit that industry here in southeast Texas.  No one is busy.

Other Upsetting Things

Other upsetting things about coming back to work:

1.  I really have no idea what's going on.  Like even a little bit.  I don't know where we stand with which projects, who we're still working with, or which projects have been awarded.

2.  Inevitably, they let someone else touch my files while I was gone.  I can't find anything.

3.  Someone (or a group of someones) has pilfered most of my office supplies.  I can't even find a bloody pen.

4.  The work kitties have grown up.  And since I wasn't here to tame them, they're wild as all get out.  At least there's one of the orange ones who will kind of stick around.  He likes to keep his paws in the water bowl where it's nice and cool.

5.  My boss has been in the hospital for the past week.  No one knows when he's coming back to work.  Couldn't I have taken off till he comes back?!

6.  Both of my plants are dead.

7.  My boss, in my absence, has sneakily moved his billions of binders back into my clean filing cabinets.  I don't think this is a game he's going to want to play with me.

8.  My back still hurts and having to sit straight up for a prolonged period of time seems to be making it worse.

9.  People keep acting like they don't know who I am.  It was marginally funny the first time....not so much the ninth.

10.  I really see no reason why I couldn't bring Carolyn to work with me.  I'd just set up the pack 'n play by my desk.  Most of the people I work with aren't even in their offices during the day.  She wouldn't bother anyone.

Personal Finances

Husband and I will have been married four years this coming January.

In all that time, we've never had a joint bank account.

I don't know why.  We've just never gotten around to it, I guess.

With me staying home with baby for the last three months, my source of income has dried up.

I've been trying to stretch out my last paycheck by being as frugal as possible.

However, I now literally have enough money in my bank account to buy ten packs of gum.

The inexpensive kind.

And one giant cowboy hat.

Last night I had to ask Husband for money to buy groceries. 

He generously gave up the cash with no complaint - Husband's good like that.

But it made me feel...useless.

And yes, maybe even a little bit humiliated.

Because I've always pulled my own weight in this relationship - or at least the weight I was assigned to pull.

The dynamic has changed.

And I don't know how to handle it.

Come Outta There, You Big Heifer!

This morning I was sitting at my desk.

Because that's what I do at work.

Suddenly, an officer from the Lamar Police Department walked in, ordered me to stand up, and started yelling at my belly, "Come outta there, you big heifer!  Yo mama tired a carryin' you 'round!"

Great.

Thanks a million, officer.  I'm sure your motivational speech will inspire her to come immediately. 

I couldn't do this without you.

And thank you for referring to my baby as a "big heifer". 

There's really nothing like being compared to a cow before you're even born.