Dear Barack Obama,

As we are basically best friends, I assume you know Husband and I just had a baby. 

I also assume you know that I would rather be a stay-at-home-mom than work outside the home.

I've been crunching numbers for weeks, trying to find a scenario where this is possible.

Last Friday, I was pretty sure I'd found it.

By cutting things to the bone, I could stay home and raise my own child. 

Until I realized that I'd forgotten something. 

I hadn't added in the cost of health insurance. 

After further research, I discovered that getting on Husband's insurance plan at work would cost approximately one-fifth of our income. 

Yes, one-fifth. 

If we actually decided to use the insurance, we would have a $30 copay and a co-insurance of 20%.

Oh, and a $750 deductible.

So, instead, I drop my baby off every day with someone else.

And I come to work.

Out of my paycheck, 40% goes to the babysitter, 25% goes to insurance, 15% goes to taxes.

That leaves me with a neat 20% to spend as my little heart desires.

Usually I do something fun and exciting with it.

Like buy food.

Or pay for electricity.

It's pretty awesome.

Barack, Husband and I are trying to be good, responsible Americans.

We pay taxes.

We're trying our very best to meet all of our financial obligations.

Neither of us has ever taken a penny of government assistance, even though we could easily find a way to work the system.

I guess the reason I'm writing is not because I want sympathy.

Lord knows there are millions of other Americans in the same pathetic position.

I'm writing because something has to be done about it.

And since you said two years ago that you were going to do something about it, I figure now would probably be a good time to make good on that promise.

I hate to tell you this, but even if universal healthcare looks good on paper, it will never work in the real world.

Please find a way to make insurance affordable. 

Especially to those of us who barely ever use it but know we have to have it just in case something bad happens.

Thank you.

And word to your mother.

Mad at the World

Today I'm mad at the world.

I'm sick. 

Again.

Baby is sick.

Husband is sick.

I was awake about 90% of the night.

I didn't dare take any kind of sleep aide/cold meds in case Carolyn had a bad night.

She did.

I did.

By 3 am, I'd given up sleeping at all.

I was covered in baby snot, baby spit-up, Erin snot, and Erin tears.

A 5 am shower took care of all of that.

Only to be covered in all of the same stuff again by 7 with no time to change before leaving.

I was late to the babysitter's and therefore, late to work.

I got my new health insurance information.

My deductible has gone up.  So have all of the co-pays.  There's a new deductible on medications.  And my out-of-pocket maximum has doubled.  They now take more money out of my monthly paycheck toward premiums.  How is that even possible??  I'm no financial expert, but less coverage should equal less money out of my pocket, right?

As I was stewing over insurance coverage, more bad news.

You know that access to all of the campus systems I was bragging about getting? 

And how I'd now be so totally busy at work? 

Yeah.

Um.

Neither of those things is going to happen.

Because apparently no one around here thinks I'm smart enough to handle the responsibility that comes with said access.

This was discussed directly over my head, while I was standing right there.

Normally, I'd let everything roll off my back.

But instead I'm mad.

And exhausted.

And literally snotty.

Can't I just go home and crawl back in bed?

Shots

Today I took Carolyn down for her two month shots.

She was crying before we got out of the car.

Crying the entire time we waited.

Crying while the doctor was examining her.

Screaming while I was holding her down for the shots.

The nurse looked at me and said, "You aren't going to cry, too, are you mama?"

Um, no, I'm not.

She screams like that all the time.

We call it the lizard scream at our house.

Why should this time make me particularly upset?

I think the nurse thinks I am heartless.

She's right.

And just as a PS, if I would have cried at all it would be because while I was getting Carolyn's car seat out of the car, I must have tweaked something in my back because GOOD GRIEF, it hurts now.  Mostly when I twist.  Or bend.  Or pick anything up.  Or try to carry anything.  Or stand.

Labor Day

1.  It's Labor Day.  Husband is at work...laboring.  He works every holiday except Christmas and Thanksgiving.  We haven't had a three-day weekend since we've been married.  It makes me feel left out - everyone else gets to go do fun things.  We can't.  Because Husband is always at work.

2.  We went to church yesterday for the first time since Carolyn was born.  She was a champ.  She slept through most of it.  I couldn't help but think about how if she's going to be that good, I should just go to church and stay there forever.

3.  Friday was my 32nd birthday.  This past year has been the hardest of my life. 

4.  As a special birthday present to myself, I downloaded some Ricky Martin.  I pretended it was a special birthday serenade to me.

5.  Carolyn had a good day on Thursday, not crying until about 5pm.  Then, she had her worst day ever on Friday where she screamed literally all day with one 45 minute nap.  Saturday she hardly cried at all.  Yesterday she hit it hard from 4pm-8pm.  This morning she cried for an hour, screamed for 45 minutes, and finally decided a nap was in order.  So, the question is, how do I replicate what happened on Saturday?  I have no idea, because I did absolutely nothing different.

6.  College Football Saturday was outstanding - a win for both of our teams, some sliders late in the day, an icy cold Dr. Pepper.  I think that's what heaven will be like.

7.  I really don't know how I feel about BYU using the two quarterback system.  I can't decide if I like either one of them, but I'm leaning toward Riley Nelson.  I'm sure he'd be happy to know he's got my support.

8.  Our TV semi-broke this morning.  I almost cried.  Husband fixed it when he came home for lunch just now.  He left, instructing me not to turn it off, just in case it won't come back on again tonight - more college football to watch, you know.

9.  I'm really enjoying all of the medical bills, EOBs, etc. we've been getting since Carolyn was born.  So far, I figure our insurance has been billed over $28,000.  Our part of that (so far) is about 10%.  When is health care reform that actually works going to pass? 

10.  Carolyn is growing - not getting fatter, just getting taller.  In another 1/2 inch, she'll out grow her sleep sacks.  Someone should have told me to buy the next size up!

11.  The mail lady pulled me aside on Friday while I was outside walking with Carolyn to offer some unsolicited advice on raising children.  It lasted fifteen minutes.  I was relieved when she finally drove away.  Then, as I was walking toward the house, she backed up the mail truck - she'd forgotten to tell me that baby products are available for purchase at Walgreen's.  Huh.  You don't say.  No one can accuse the USPS not going the extra mile.

First Doctor Appointment

Baby had her first check up today.

Let me tell you, if you live in Beaumont and are looking for a stellar pediatrician, Dr. Kayani is your woman.

Carolyn started out the appointment in good fashion by shooting poo all over the entire examining table.  I can't say that I blame her or was even a little sorry for the nurse because at the time, the nurse was trying to get a rectal temperature...if I were a baby and had no other weapons, I would have pooped on her, too.

I felt pretty good throughout the entire question and answer period except when the nurse asked me at least four times if there was any mental retardation in our family.

Ummm...exactly what are you getting at, there, nurse?

Then came the part I'd been looking forward to - the weight.  Because, you know, I wanted to see how great my breast milk is at adding the pounds.  We all know I'm always trying to measure my motherly awesomeness in finite terms. 

I'm not going to lie when I say that my ego was a little crushed when I found out I have no birthing hips.  I consoled myself on that one by reminding myself that even though I'm not a world class birther, I am pretty good at incubating.  Well, if you count "good" as someone who's sick for nine months of pregnancy.  Crap.  Maybe I'm not good at any of it...

Anyway, they weighed her up only to find that not only has she not gained any weight over the past eleven days, she's actually lost four ounces.

Wait. 

From what I understand, she was supposed to have gained an ounce a day.  According to my outstanding math skills, that's eleven ounces.  She should weigh nearly 8.5 pounds. 

Beside, look at her parents!  If anything, she should be gaining weight like a corn fed beef steer.  We like to eat in our family - and the pounds aren't shy about distributing themselves to our ever-enlarging guts.  It is against nature to have a weight loser in the family!

Plus, she's doing everything she's supposed to do - eating regularly every 2-3 hours, nursing for 35 minutes at a time, wetting the right amount of diapers, and don't even get me started on the number of *dirty diapers* she's making...

Now what?

One word for you:  supplementation.

Dr. Kayani loaded us up with free formula samples and instructions to "feed that baby" because she's "obviously hungry" and following up with "we will wait for a while to see - maybe your milk just hasn't come in yet".

Hasn't come in yet??  Am I not past the point where I should have sufficient milk for my child?

Sigh.

I guess my breast milk isn't going to be a point of pride after all.


*Isn't my life exciting?*