That one time when your office installs a Sonic ice machine at work and it’s pretty much the best day of your life. #SonicIceIsLife
As of two hours ago, I have entered a deep, deep depression. As I have already mentioned, my mom has gone back to stupid Utah - having her here was almost like having a sister wife. She helped me prepare meals, took my kids on walks, and washed my dishes. BY HAND, Y'ALL. And on top of that, the Olympics are over and I already miss my best friends, Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir. #EverybodysGoneAndImAllByMyself#PleaseComeToMyHouseJohnnyWeir#EvenThoughImBasicAndYoureBeyondExtra
Dropped grandma off at the airport just now:
Me: Well, dude, I guess it’s back to regular life.
The Tater: NO! I don’t want to go back! Let’s go get chicken fries instead!
#WhenInDoubtGetChickenFries #FoodFixesEverything
The Tater: NO! I don’t want to go back! Let’s go get chicken fries instead!
#WhenInDoubtGetChickenFries #FoodFixesEverything
That one time when you get to go to church with your mom and she tickles your back durning sacrament meeting and it's pretty much the best part of your life. #PleaseTickleMyBack #AndTellMeImPretty
My thoughts every.single.time I make a recipe with bacon in it, "Huh. If it's good with four pieces of bacon in it, it'll be even better with eight pieces!" #MoreBaconPlease #ExtraBaconIsNeverABadIdea
The Judy has just admitted that her teacher taped her mouth shut in second grade because she talked too much. #SoundsFamiliar#GuessWhoHerGranddaughterIs
As I'm getting ready for work this morning, The Tater comes into the bathroom crying, "Mama, I don't want you to go to work! I will miss you and I need my Mama Love!" #TearOutMyHeartWhyDontYa #AttachedAtTheHip
When you pull into work blaring The MoTab. #CouldIBeMoreAwesome#NaturallyTheAnswerIsNoICannot #WhenDidIGetAsOldAsMyParentsWere
As I'm walking out of my bathroom after getting dressed, The Tater is standing there and this, "Mama! Stop! Let me look at you. I like your dress. It is very beautiful!" #TellMeMoreAboutHowPrettyIAm#WordsLikeThatWillTakeYouAnywhere
We have successfully completed The Kid’s first non-cousin sleepover. Despite the fact that they went to sleep two hours later than normal, everyone was still up before 5:30 and this from The Kid’s friend, “Why is it so dark in the morning at your house?” #BecauseIts5Freaking30#JustTheNormAtCasaDePeters
That one time when you’re in the middle of giving a massage and the receiver says, “Man, you’re a tough sumbitch. What’d’ya grow up milking cows?” #ImTakingThatAsACompliment #ManHands#BringMeYourMuscleKnots
“Mama, you know the downside of all of this rain? The vipers are going to start to be active.” #Awesome #YouKnowHowILoveSnakes
The Kid’s best friend brought her a special valentine to school today - a tiny teddy bear attached to a box of chocolates and as I was tucking her in to bed tonight, “The Bear is really cute but she got hungry and ate most of the chocolate. Don’t worry, mama, she saved one for me. And it only had one bite taken out of it.” #ICantEven #BestLaughOfTheDay
The Kid was up extra early this morning and then was trying to inch her way out to the bus several minutes before it was time:
Me: Why are you in such a hurry?
The Kid: I gotta get to school! Today’s the Valentine’s party and I just know Mrs. Shofner will have something fun planned. She’s that kind of lady.
The Kid: I gotta get to school! Today’s the Valentine’s party and I just know Mrs. Shofner will have something fun planned. She’s that kind of lady.
After watching last night’s Fixer Upper, it has been decided that I cannot watch the show any longer. The jealousy over that garden/chicken run/chicken coop/garden “shed” was so palpable, I almost had to throw something at the TV. #ItsSoPretty #INeedAllOfThat#AndAlsoSomeoneToPullTheWeeds #IWasntInTheLineForTheCreativeGene
The Kid: Mama, did you win when you were in the Olympics?
Me: I was never in the Olympics.
The Kid: Why not? Did you forget to show everyone how amazing you are?
#YesThatsTheReason #IJustForgotToShowMyTalent #ButItsNeverTooLate#Beijing2022OrBust
Me: I was never in the Olympics.
The Kid: Why not? Did you forget to show everyone how amazing you are?
#YesThatsTheReason #IJustForgotToShowMyTalent #ButItsNeverTooLate#Beijing2022OrBust
The Kid found out today that one of her friend’s mothers is pregnant with twins, “Mama, I was just thinking that since his mom has two babies in her belly and you can’t even figure out how to get one, you could ask her how she did it.” #UhhhhPrettySureIKnowHowItHappened#AwkwardConversation
As someone who is a HUGE proponent of every, single person studying/speaking more than one language, I called The Kid over during Olympic coverage to watch a man from Austria who was being interviewed in French, German, and English and switching between them flawlessly:
Me: See how clever he is? He speaks three languages fluently.
The Kid: That’s not really very impressive. I already speak English and Spanish and I’m only seven.
#ThatDudeNeedsToStepItUp #YouNeedToBeMoreImpressive#EvenIfYouHaveAGoldMedal
The Kid: That’s not really very impressive. I already speak English and Spanish and I’m only seven.
#ThatDudeNeedsToStepItUp #YouNeedToBeMoreImpressive#EvenIfYouHaveAGoldMedal
My current favorite Tate-isms:
Whenever there's a loud noise, "What is that noising all over the place?"
When he sneezes, "Mama, I just did a sweeze. Now you do a bless you."
“Mama! I just saw a super small electric razor on YouTube! You should get one and carry it around with you for your beard!” #BeardedLady#ThanksDude #IdeasForMothersDay
Watching men’s downhill skiing with The Tater, “Wowee, he is going so faster! He has rocket skis to win the race!” #80MPH #RocketSkis#TeamUSA
Since mid-December, our family has been taking elderberry gummies to fight off the flu. The Tater is particularly fond of them:
Me: No, dude, you don’t need any more. You’ve had yours for today.
The Tater: Don’t be silly! Of course I need this medicine!
The Tater: Don’t be silly! Of course I need this medicine!
In further discussion over the “Netflix and chill” dilemma, I would like to point out that the #1 female slalom skier in the world, Mikaela Shiffrin, just said in an Olympic interview with Katie Couric, “Sometimes I just want to be like every other 22-year-old and just Netflix and chill.” #ApparentlyShesPartOfMyCrowd #NetflixAndChillInYoSweats#BecauseShesNotTalkingAboutTheNasty#NotWithKatieCouricBeforeTheOlympics #MikaelaShiffrinIsmyPeople#TeamUSA #TeamNetflixAndChillForReal
Being thin does not necessarily indicate fitness just as being chubby does not necessarily denote the lack thereof. #ComeAtMeBro#DoYouEvenWorkOut #FearTheChub #NowSellingTicketsToTheGunShow
That one time when a coworker mentions that it’s supposed to rain all weekend and you turn to a patient and ask her if she plans to “Netflix and chill” and then are immediately pulled aside by the same coworker who informs you that “Netflix and chill” does NOT, in fact, mean putting on your sweats, sitting on the couch, and watching Netflix. #ITotallyDidntKnow#WhyDontPeopleSayWhatTheyMean #WhyAmISoNotCool #ItsLikeImEighty#INeedAClassInCurrentSlang
Just received a ten minute lecture on why everyone should be vegan due to animal cruelty issues. And then I look down and homeboy is wearing real leather shoes. #WhereYouThinkTheyGotThatLeatherKiller
Got home from work super late last night and was snuggling The Kid before bed:
The Kid: What’s the problem, mama?
Me: It was just a really long day.
The Kid: Man, I heard that. But you know what they say. When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
Me: It was just a really long day.
The Kid: Man, I heard that. But you know what they say. When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
Me after three nights of little to no sleep. Or maybe, more accurately, four years of little to no sleep. And why isn’t the non-sleeping kid tired when he’s up all freaking night?! #ForTheLove
When you're up half the night with a sick kid and you fantasize about putting the other kid on the school bus and going straight back to sleep. Instead, the "sick" kid is jumping on the bed, running up and down the hallway screaming, and attempting to tag both the dog and the cats with his light-up ball you just retrieved from the light fixture. #DrPepperTakeMeAway#HowIsHeNotTired #ImTooOldForThisCrap #SleepIsForTheWeak
When you’re giving a massage at work and the patient refers to another girl who works with you as, “you know, the older woman” and you snort and giggle just a little until you remember that you and “the older woman” are literally the same age. #Maaaaaan #OlderWomanIndeed
Another reason to live in a small town: I go to buy windshield wiper blades and the dude walks out to my car in the rain, measures the blades, finds them, and installs them for me. #KeelersForTheWin #SmallTownGirl
As I’m sitting down playing the keyboard, The Tater runs over, yanks the plug out of the wall and yells, “No, mama! Uh-uh. GAME OVER.”
Kid dental appointments. The first in YEARS. And while The Tater was eager to show the dental hygienist his teeth the first time, he thought her asking again and again bordered on absurdity. #IDontThinkSo#IAlreadyShowedYouOnce #LeaveMeAlone#DentalOfficeToysHaventChangedIn30Years
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