Sunday, February 01, 2015

The Kid - January 2015

"Mama, I spilled a cup of orange juice on my undies, but I just took them off and put them on backward, so they're not dirty anymore."

The Kid: We live in America.
Me: Yes, we are all American.
The Kid: Except you. You were born in Japan.

To the gentlemen who delivered our furniture, "Oh, this is all so beautiful! I am just so impressed!"

The Kid: You know what sounds fun? Making money! Would you like to have fun making money, mama?
Me: Of course!
The Kid: Well, then you're going to have to go to banking school like daddy. I can't go because I have to go to my regular school so you'll have to educate both of us.

Went to a baptismal service for a girl in my class that was conducted entirely in Spanish:
The Kid: Wow, mama, I didn't know you can sing in Spanish! You sound just like a Mexican angel! Oh, excuse me. Like an angel of Latin decent.

The Tater messed his pants:
The Kid: Tater, that's gro-nasty.
Me: I don't think gro-nasty is a word. Grody is a word and nasty is a word.
The Kid: Oh, mama, of course, it's a word! I just said it and it sounded awesome.

I was telling Husband all about the new Invisible Boyfriend app that I learned about on the Today Show:
Me: For $25, you get 100 texts, 10 voice mails, and a handwritten post card. They're hoping to expand their services so you get flowers from your invisible boyfriend on Valentine's Day!
The Kid: What?! That's crazy! That would bother me. Not the flowers. The invisible part.

After the gym:
The Kid: Did you do Zumba or the treadmill?
Me: I did the hip hop class. It's kind of like Zumba. I'm not good at it but I did it anyway.
The Kid: I'm sorry you're a hippy hoppy failure. Maybe we should ask the Easter Bunny how to do it.

Standing in the middle of a parking space at the library shouting at passing cars, "You may park here! There's a vacancy!"

The Kid: Whatcha doin' on that iPad?
Me: Just messing around.
The Kid: I'm not sure you're responsible enough for an iPad. I'd better have it.

As I was getting dressed this morning (have I mentioned that NONE of the doors in our house latch properly?), The Kid walks in and says, "Mama! I have good news! You look great naked!"
Uh. Thanks?

The Kid: Today I told Cooper we're getting married.
Me: What did he think of that?
The Kid: He said he didn't want to but I told him that sometimes you don't have to want to, you jut have to do it.

The Kid asked to see some money, so I showed her a $20 bill:
The Kid: This guy looks just like you!
Me: You think I look like Andrew Jackson?
The Kid: Yeah, well, you have the same hair.

Not being able to open a jar from the fridge:
Me: Crap! I CAN'T DO THIS!
The Kid: Mama, don't say you can't. That makes the angels cry. You can do anything.

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