Whenever I cook with ground beef, I always save a small pile out for myself before I put in whatever sauce I'm doing (I've done it for as long as I can remember). Today, I turned my back and The Kid walked in and out of the kitchen holding my meat:
The Kid: Oh, mama, thank you so much for saving me all of these little meats. They are delicious.
We got a Conn' s circular today in the mail:
The Kid: Look! They're selling us a new house!
Me: Naw, dude, it's just new furniture.
The Kid: Well, it's a nothing but a bunch of rubbish.
The Kid is outside killing ants: "I am sending you to Heavenly Father. Congratulations!"
The Kid: You know what my problem is?
The Kid: I just keep ordering the same Mexican food all the time.
Called to make a hair appointment for The Kid so she can get evened up before school starts:
Me: I just called to make you an appointment for a haircut.
The Kid: So I can get clown hair?
Me: What's clown hair?
The Kid: Big hair with rainbows in it. And I really, really want it!
Me: Dude! Where's your swimming suit? This is the third time I've had to ask. If I have to ask again, we won't go.
The Kid: Oh, mama, thank you do much for giving me one more opportunity to do the right thing.
The Kid: Let's play a game where you're me and I'm you.
The Kid: Go clean your room right now!
Me: Yes, ma'am!
The Kid: Mama, you're not playing right! You know I have to tell Carolyn three times before she does anything!
Our favorite grocery store is remodeling...and that means lots of stuff is being moved around and now I can't find anything:
Me: Where on earth is the soup?! It's just....GONE.
The Kid: It must have been the Russians.
Me: You think the Russians took the soup?
The Kid: That Vladimir Putin is always taking stuff that's not his.
The Kid in a dialog while playing with her toys (all of her toys, regardless of make or species, are Anna and Hans):
Hans: Will you marry me?
Anna: Of course I won't.
Hans: Why not? I have great hair.
Anna: Well, great hair or not, there's no way you're kissing my belly button. Or my ears.
The Kid: What do dragon flies eat?
Me: Uh.. I don't know.
The Kid: We should look in up on the internet. Because having the internet means you never have to wonder.
Shredding some beef roast to use in burritos and this, "Mama! This looks like a meat-a-palooza!"
The Kid: Daddy, I have good news! We can go to the Hamas! Where you can get a nice massage and where hearts beat faster!
The Kid: The Hamas.
Daddy: (blank look)
Me: She means The Bahamas.
Have the pool all to ourselves this morning, "Mama! Since we're just here all alone, wouldn't it be a good time to just swim without out clothes on? I can do my best swimming tricks naked."
Trying to explain the difference between a noun and a verb to The Kid:
The Kid: Is "ruin" a verb?
Me: Well, it's a noun and a verb.
The Kid: It's an action Tate did.
Me: It is?
The Kid: Yeah, when he was born, he ruined our lives.
The Kid was "helping" me frost cupcakes:
"Mama, you know the funny thing about this knife? It only holds enough frosting for me, but not enough for a cupcake, so I'd better just eat it, I guess."
To a very hug-happy friend at the gym today, "Listen, this is a lot of good love, but could you step off a little bit?"
Had a well-check today at the doctor's office:
Doctor: Can you count to ten?
The Kid: Did you want it in English, Spanish, or Japanese?
Doctor: Well, you know a lot, don't you?
The Kid: My mama says I'm a know-it-all.
Talking to The Kid about BYU:
Me: Do you know that I graduated from BYU?
The Kid: I didn't know you were smart enough to go to college! Good for you!
Taught The Kid the BYU fight song last night and at the end, this:
"Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, GOOOOOOOO Kroger!"