The Kid: Are you excited about me going to school?
Me: I'm excited and sad.
The Kid: It's ok to be sad sometimes. Sad is a normal human emotion.
Me: A normal human emotion? Who taught you that?!
The Kid: From my daddy. He's a great guy.
The Kid was playing with The Tater when she jumped up on the bed:
Me: Well that's hardly fair. He can't climb on the bed yet, dude.
The Kid: Mama, I've got news. It's never going to be fair.
Picked The Kid up from school today:
Me: How did it go?
The Kid: Awful.
Me: Awful?! Why?!
The Kid: They make me keep my clothes on even when I'm hot. It's ridiculous!
Got home from church today to find The Kid parked on a stool in front of my birthday cake:
Me: What're you doing, dude?
The Kid: I'm eating a delicious meal of cake and green beans.
Me: That sounds disgusting.
The Kid: Well, I didn't put the green beans IN the cake
Me: You know I love you, right, dude?
The Kid: You know, I'm glad. Because the feeling is mutual.
Gave The Kid something she didn't like for dinner last night:
The Kid: Mama, you know there's no way I can eat all of that. It'll make me pregnant with a food baby.
The Kid: Mama, can you wrap me up in this blanket?
Me: Sure. You want me to make you into a burrito?
The Kid: Oh, mama, don't be silly. I want you to make me into a chrysalis.
Picked The Kid up from school today:
The Kid: Man, this heat is KILLING me.
Me: It is, huh?
The Kid: You know what would make me feel better? A cold Sonic beverage.
Me: Do you know what Cora's Daddy's name is?
The Kid: No. What is it?
Me: It's Aaron. Like my name. But it's spelled a different way.
The Kid: Well, that's an interesting approach.
The Kid: I think Elliot is my favorite so I can't wait till he grows up.
Me: Why's that?
The Kid: Because I'm going to marry him and tell him what to do all the time.
Had a lesson at Family Night about tithing:
Me: Sometimes the church uses tithing to build church buildings. Like the one where mommy and daddy got married. What is that place called?
The Kid: Um....McDonald's?
The Kid, explaining her school art project to me:
The Kid: I drew your favorite vegetable! It's a pepper!
Me: Oh, I do like peppers. What's your favorite vegetable?
The Kid: Chocolate cake.
Sleepless nights for mom coupled with four rainy days in a row = A LOT of time on the tablet for The Kid. She insists on turning it up as loud as it will go - I ask her about 45 times a day to turn it down (that is a conservative estimate). And unfortunately, all of this = a VERY short temper for the mother.
Me: For the love, turn that damn tablet down!
The Kid: Ok. Mama, what's a damn tablet?
The Kid: Mama, do monkeys love ketchup?
Me: Uh....I don't know.
The Kid: Well, that's disappointing. I thought you knew some stuff.
Saw a man riding a motorcycle without a helmet today:
The Kid: That guy is just like those monkeys.
Me: What monkeys?
The Kids: Those ones that were jumping on the bed and bonked their heads. His mother will not be pleased.
The Kid: Look mama, I'm Elsa!
Me: But you don't have any clothes on.
The Kid: Oh, mama, I think Elsa probably played in her undies sometimes, too.
The Kid, when not at home, is a garbage-picking-up-fiend. Today, as we were walking into Chick-Fil-A, there was a dude outside playing a guitar, his CFA drink sitting by his case. Before I could stop her, she picked up his cup, dumped it on the sidewalk, and threw the cup in the garbage can proclaiming, "I'm an EXCELLENT garbage man!" Sorry, dude.
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