Wednesday, September 24, 2014

On Facebook - September!!

The Kid: Are you excited about me going to school?
Me: I'm excited and sad.
The Kid: It's ok to be sad sometimes. Sad is a normal human emotion. 
Me: A normal human emotion? Who taught you that?!
The Kid: From my daddy. He's a great guy.

The Kid was playing with The Tater when she jumped up on the bed:

Me: Well that's hardly fair. He can't climb on the bed yet, dude.
The Kid: Mama, I've got news. It's never going to be fair.

Picked The Kid up from school today:

Me: How did it go?
The Kid: Awful.
Me: Awful?! Why?!
The Kid: They make me keep my clothes on even when I'm hot. It's ridiculous!

Got home from church today to find The Kid parked on a stool in front of my birthday cake:

Me: What're you doing, dude?
The Kid: I'm eating a delicious meal of cake and green beans.
Me: That sounds disgusting. 
The Kid: Well, I didn't put the green beans IN the cake

Me: You know I love you, right, dude?
The Kid: You know, I'm glad. Because the feeling is mutual.

Gave The Kid something she didn't like for dinner last night:

The Kid: Mama, you know there's no way I can eat all of that. It'll make me pregnant with a food baby.

The Kid: Mama, can you wrap me up in this blanket?
Me: Sure. You want me to make you into a burrito?
The Kid: Oh, mama, don't be silly. I want you to make me into a chrysalis.

Picked The Kid up from school today:

The Kid: Man, this heat is KILLING me.
Me: It is, huh?
The Kid: You know what would make me feel better? A cold Sonic beverage.

Me: Do you know what Cora's Daddy's name is?
The Kid: No. What is it?
Me: It's Aaron. Like my name. But it's spelled a different way.
The Kid: Well, that's an interesting approach.

The Kid: I think Elliot is my favorite so I can't wait till he grows up.
Me: Why's that?
The Kid: Because I'm going to marry him and tell him what to do all the time.

Had a lesson at Family Night about tithing:

Me: Sometimes the church uses tithing to build church buildings. Like the one where mommy and daddy got married. What is that place called?
The Kid: Um....McDonald's?

The Kid, explaining her school art project to me:

The Kid: I drew your favorite vegetable! It's a pepper!
Me: Oh, I do like peppers. What's your favorite vegetable?
The Kid: Chocolate cake.

Sleepless nights for mom coupled with four rainy days in a row = A LOT of time on the tablet for The Kid. She insists on turning it up as loud as it will go - I ask her about 45 times a day to turn it down (that is a conservative estimate). And unfortunately, all of this = a VERY short temper for the mother.

Me: For the love, turn that damn tablet down!
The Kid: Ok. Mama, what's a damn tablet?

The Kid: Mama, do monkeys love ketchup?
Me: Uh....I don't know.
The Kid: Well, that's disappointing. I thought you knew some stuff.

Saw a man riding a motorcycle without a helmet today:

The Kid: That guy is just like those monkeys.
Me: What monkeys?
The Kids: Those ones that were jumping on the bed and bonked their heads. His mother will not be pleased.

The Kid: Look mama, I'm Elsa!
Me: But you don't have any clothes on.
The Kid: Oh, mama, I think Elsa probably played in her undies sometimes, too.

The Kid, when not at home, is a garbage-picking-up-fiend. Today, as we were walking into Chick-Fil-A, there was a dude outside playing a guitar, his CFA drink sitting by his case. Before I could stop her, she picked up his cup, dumped it on the sidewalk, and threw the cup in the garbage can proclaiming, "I'm an EXCELLENT garbage man!" Sorry, dude.

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