The Kid to my brother who had his tooth knocked out by a bull years and years ago:
Jared, I'm afraid to tell you this, but your tooth is missing.
The Kid found Fruit Loops at Uncle Jared's house:
Uncle Jared's colorful Cheerios are so much more delicious than the ones at our house.
Picked up rocks out on the pivot for one hour:
The Kid: I'm just not having very much fun.
Me: That's because picking up rocks sucks.
The Kid: Yeah. Sucks.
The Kid to her cousin as she pushes her out of the way, "Reese, it is not about winning. But I won anyway."
The Kid to her cousin at dinner last night, "If you don't eat that, you'll never get wicked strong."
After discovering a mosquito bite on her arm: Mama! I believe an insect from outer space has drilled into my arm!
As we're boarding our first flight: AHOY, CAPTAIN! Mama, I certainly am happy he isn't wearing an eye patch so he can see the wings flapping up and down."
As I was outside this morning with the door open:
The Kid: Mama! I'm going to need you to close the door! You're distructing me!
Me: Do you mean disruptuing?
The Kid: No! I said what I meant!
Been having a hard time with obedience from The Kid. Today, I got so frustrated, I had to go out and sit in my car (don't worry, Husband was in the house) to cool off. Later on in the afternoon, this:
The Kid: Mama, I'm really sorry.
Me: Why are you sorry?
The Kid: Because daddy told me I was sorry.
Put on my swimming suit this morning and this, "Wow, mama, you look GORGEOUS!"
Bless her. I wish she would never get to the point where she notices body differences, social "norms", or what is and what is not considered beautiful.
Told The Kid she could use the iPad if she stayed by the outlet where it was charging and this, "Well, mama, if I'm staying here, I'm obviously gonna need a sweet blanket."
Husband:Which Elsa dress do you need?
The Kid: Both dresses. And a crown. And a cape. Because that's how I roll.
The Kid: Can my friends get me an iPad for my birthday?
Me: Dude, you don't tell your friends what to get you for your birthday. Beside, iPads are really expensive.
The Kid: Well, maybe they could all give their money to one person and that person could get me an iPad.
Getting ready for a wedding reception:
Me: Are you going to tell her how beautiful she looks?
The Kid: No. Probably not tonight.
Me: Well, she'll be looking like a princess.
The Kid: Ah. Well, I'm a queen, so....
Tried to explain to The Kid that the presents at the wedding reception would not be for her, but when we got there, they had corn-on-the-cob wrapped in aluminum foil:
The Kid: They DO have presents for me!
Me: Huh. What's in those presents?
The Kid: Corn and bacon! This is the best party EVER.
Just caught The Kid smooching one of our engagement pictures. When I asked her what she was doing, "Well, mama, I'm sugaring my handsome daddy. I'm going to marry him tomorrow. I just miss him so much when he's at work."
The Kid had a friend over today and part of one conversation was this, "Well, if boys wore fingernail polish, how would girls be fabulous?"
The Kid: Mama, I'm gonna need a screwdriver.
Me: Ok. Here's one.
The Kid: Oh, mama, no, no. This is a flat head screwdriver for flat head screws. I need a phillips screwdriver for phillips screws.
Me: Uh. Ok. What size? And what do you need it for?
The Kid: A little one. I'm just taking all the locks off the doors.
Husband consumed the remainder of the fried chicken we bought yesterday (much to The Kid's consternation) and this, "Daddy, I'm warning you. Mama is really, really not happy about this."