Tuesday, May 07, 2013


1. It has only recently come to my attention that I am a horrible, horrible planner.  Like, I have really good ideas (at least I think I do), but I have no skills to get there.  Case-in-point:  Since March, I've "planned" two parties at my house.  And since March, neither of the parties happened.  One time, we changed plans and no one could change with us and the other time, I outright cancelled it because no one was coming (but next year, I'm having that Kentucky Derby party if it kills me).  So, I figure I'm going to need an assistant.  You know, to figure out the details.  And while they're doing that, they can also clean my house.

2.  Just when you think you've met the creepiest guy on the planet, you get a call from someone who is even creepier.  It freaks me out to think that there may be even creepier guys than the creepiest one I know.

3.  And speaking of that, are only men creepy, or are there creepy women, too?  Because I don't generally find women creepy.  Except the one I met at Walmart the other day who wanted to talk to me about scented wax for like forty minutes, right after I'd realized that I'd left a candle burning at home and I needed to get out of there as soon as possible.

4.  Some girls at church canned sugar today.  One of them picked up the empty cans for me, another one picked up 50 pounds of sugar, and then they canned it right up with the dry pack canner while I was at work.  Like all I had to do was drive over there and pick it up.  And I thought, "Man, this food storage stuff is so easy!"

5.  Speaking of food storage, hurricane season starts in one month.  Is it wrong that I kind of pray for a hurricane to hit?  I mean, without causing damage to any of my stuff or anyone I love?  Because last time we had a hurricane, we got an entire week in Eureka Springs, AR and a couple more days in Dallas.  It was like a free vacation!  We haven't really been anywhere since then.

6.  The Kid was sitting on her little potty this morning with a handful of Cheetos (because don't we all eat Cheetos when we potty?) when she dropped a few into the (full) bucket.  With her free hand, she just went ahead and fished around for them.  I walked in just in time (I think) to make her empty the potty and said Cheetos.  Of course, she was thrilled because if there's anything better than fishing for Cheetos in your own urine, it's watching Cheetos being flushed down the toilet.

7.  While at the babysitter's today, The Kid made me a special Mother's Day gift (and by that I mean that she colored on the paper bag the gift was enclosed in).  When we got home, she couldn't contain her excitement, brought me the bag, and said, "Mama, Happy Mother's Time Day!  Now open it so I can have it."

8.  We had a guest instructor today at Zumba.  I kind of have a girl crush on her.  Mostly because I can only dream of dancing like she does.  I even danced on stage with her and for-the-love if that wasn't the stupidest idea I'd ever had - who really volunteers to dance next to the girl they wish they could dance like?  I felt like an uncoordinated fool (like even more than usual).  It didn't help anything that I'd spent part of the morning dry heaving and spitting in the toilet.  I ended up having to walk out for an entire song because I was sure I was going to spew and then pass out.

9.  My house is a bloody mess.  Like more than normal.  The thought of cleaning it makes me sick.

10.  So.  I crocheted (that's a word, right?  The past tense of crochet?) this baby blanket a few months back.  It was so tedious, that I swore I would never give it to anyone unless they promised to frame it.  The only problem now is that it just sits at my house, right in the way, and all I want to do is give it away.  But I don't.  But I do.  You know?  Does anyone know of a museum for slightly wonky baby blankets?


Amy Kay said...

I am a terrible party planner. But I'm an excellent party planner's assistant. It's really too bad we can't combine forces. Those would be some kick A parties.

Shelby Bingham said...

Yes, "crocheted" is a word. And I have had a few handmade things over the years that I've put so much into that I just haven't been able to part with them although I really have no use for them. Give it as a gift? I don't know anyone who would worship it the way it deserves. Sell it? Um, no one will pay the $500+ that I would charge.