Sunday, March 17, 2013

The Struggle

1.  I've been struggling.  Like really, really struggling.  Like maybe the most I've ever struggled in my entire life.  It's been about two months, maybe three.  Panic attacks have been my near constant companion.  My heart beats so fast, I feel like maybe I'm having a heart attack.  I even have a sensation of heat running down my arm.  The problem is that I can't pin point a trigger.  All the sudden it's just there.  Full throttle.  I've not been sleeping well.  I've lost interest in pretty much everything I have always loved (including Zumba).  I try to carry on like things are normal and force myself to do the things I feel like I'm supposed to be doing, but it's killing me.  I've gotta snap out of this or else I'm going to be in trouble.

2.  We got our tax return and with it, we were able to pay off our two smallest medical bills.  Just in time to get a letter from the State of Texas stating that we owe them back all of the food stamp money they allotted us when Husband was sick a year and a half ago.  We did finish off the SNAP card money after Husband got a job, but we were so far behind on everything and we'd been approved for it, so I thought it was ok.  Apparently not.

3.  I went to a Pampered Chef party a couple of weeks ago.  Their stuff is so expensive, but the hostess of the party let me have her 60% off hostess discount, so I bought a few of their ceramic pans.  I'm in love with them.  Like, I never want to be apart from them.  They're so easy to clean!

4.  I made a mistake several months ago when I thought Carolyn was done playing with her own poop.  Today while we were all trying to take a Sunday nap, I heard her yelling, "Hey, guys, I'm stinky!"  She had literally painted both of her legs with poop "chaps".  It was all over her chest, her bedspread, the floor, and two pillows.  I gagged and nearly vomited at the smell.

5.  We've got to, got to, got to get her potty trained.  I've tried twice in the last two weeks.  I have to stay on her every 20 minutes all day long.  If not, she stands right in the middle of the living room and pees all over.  She doesn't even care if she's wet.  She just goes and then goes on about her business.  I'm so frustrated with it all, I want to scream.  Also, she's growing out of size 6 diapers.  As far as I know, no one around here sells size 7.

6.  Carolyn likes to eat spray whipped cream straight out of the can.

7.  The client I thought I was getting back this month?  Turns out no one actually knows anything about her start date.  No one answers the phone.  No one returns my calls.  I'm about ready to walk into that office and whip someone.

8.  Carolyn has been riding the next door neighbor boy's big bike over the past couple of weeks.  She thinks it's hers.  I'm amazed at how well she does on it since it's still pretty big for her.


Anonymous said...

I'm right there with you on #'s 1 & 7. Mostly #1.

Meghan and Matthew said...

Oh Erin... let the fact that you can even type the words in #1 give you hope. I've only recently "snapped out of it" and only with the help of modern medicine and the promise of daylight savings time! See your doc. I promise its worth it.
As for Miss Carolyn.. All I can say is that she is so stinkin' smart (and perhaps strong-willed like mine, eh?) that conventional wisdom will probably do no more than frustrate you both even more. She will have to decide that she wants to, and she WILL eventually! All you can do is be ready when she is, and remember that you are an awesome mom no matter what she decides.

Anonymous said...

A thought about #5. Is there anything she really, REALLY wants? Like a reward. One of my brothers refused to be potty-trained when he was 3; didn't want to do it. But, he REALLY wanted a pair of cowboy boots. My dad told him he could have cowboy boots if he went potty in the potty for two weeks--he had to make a mark on the calendar every time he went in the potty. He did it, got his boots, and never had an issue again.

Or get the blue 2000 flushes toilet tank thing and point out that she can make the water change color when she pees in the toilet. Blue to green works on some kids. Tell her she can work magic on the water. I don't know.

Mom'sLove said...

sending you lots of prayers, warmth, hugs, and positive thoughts..