Took Carolyn for her 18 month check up today.
(Raising hand) She weighs too much?
You got it.
The doctor red-penned me.
Is that something they teach all healthcare professionals to do?
Whip out the red pen and make giant marks on the growth chart to make you feel like a crappy parent?
The mother doesn't understand the graveness of this situation - get the red pen!
You'll all be happy to know that I've stopped reacting at all.
I know my kid is just fine.
Her height, just like her weight, is above the 95th percentile, so no biggie, right?
Plus, Baby Center says that if she keeps growing at the rate she's growing now, she'll be 5'11" tall, which will effectively make her power forward material.
Hell, two inches beyond that and look out all you ugly mug centers (is there a reason why all centers are ugly?), my baby will take you down like a gnat.
She won't feel a thing.
And, if she gets The Mother's jumping ability, we're looking at the first female to be invited to the NBA's dunk contest.
Nothing wrong with that.
Look out, man.
She's comin' for you.
Height: 34 inches
Weight: 31.2 pounds
Head Circumference: Giant
Ability to Withstand Pain from Shots: Excellent
Ability to Speak in 3-4 word sentences: Freakin' Brilliant (but also requires a translator)