Breaking Dawn...

I took one of my massage clients to see the new Twilight movie on Friday morning.

She has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair.

And when she gets excited, she brings her arms and knees into her chest and squeals.

It's the cutest thing ever.

Oh, and for the record, she is firmly Team Edward.

Despite the fact that I will be severely ridiculed by a majority of my friends, I'm just going to put it out there.

I liked the movie.

Of course, it didn't hurt anything that it had a wedding in it and I'm sort of queer for anything matrimonial.

Don't judge me.

There were many laughable and questionable parts:

1.  I laughed and laughed at the dream she had the night before her wedding.  Because standing on top of a pile of all your dead friends licking your lips was comical to me.

2.  I was pretty nervous when they were panning down the back of her sheer-backed wedding dress.  Please, oh, please tell me there is material covering her bum!  Because I don't care who you are, cracked rear views are not attractive.

3.  The s-e-x scene.  Good grief, don't even get me started.  Number one, there was definitely nipple shown at one point, I don't care what anyone says.  And as the scene continued, I started to sink lower and lower in my chair because really, how long does this have to last to get the point across?

4.  The time when she pukes after eating the chicken.  Do we really have to actually see the puke coming out of her mouth?  GA-ROW-DEE.  Oh, and as a connoisseur of puke, I'm telling you that after eating chicken, her puke would not even look like that. PUH-LEASE.  If you're going to do it, do it right.

5.  And speaking of all of that, has everyone seen the scene that Ellen DeGeneres did on her show on Friday?  Here it is for you who haven't.  Hysterical!

6.  I was happy to see that both Edward and Jasper at least had semi-normal hair.

7.  Despite his limited role, Charlie is still the very best part of the franchise.

8.  Did anyone else think the wolves talking to one another in each other's heads was beyond hokey?  And the blurry camera shots made me dizzy.

9.  I almost puked when Bella drank the blood out of a Styrofoam cup.  Like a Slurpee.  As if!

10.  But, the very best scene was right before Bella's supposed to give birth and Carlisle is trying to tell Jacob that they don't have enough human blood left to satiate her demon baby's appetite and therefore, they need a way to get more O- from the blood bank.

Esme turns to Carlisle and in all earnestness says, "And you need to feed."

Uh.

So, I mean, I get the fact that they're supposed to be vampires, but can't vampires just eat like normal people?

To me, "feeding" indicates giving food to someone or something else.

That being said, down to the Peters' household, we're going to go ahead and emulate the portrayed awesomeness.

When Husband walks in the door from work and it's time for dinner, I'm just going to say, "Husband, it's time to feed."

I'm already sure it's going to over well.