Mean Erin

1.  I am not playing well with others.  I haven't been for the last three weeks or so.  I roll my eyes at people.  I ignore them (ok, so that's not new).  And, here's the real shocker, I say mean things.  Now, I don't consider myself a mean person - in fact, I would say I'm about one of the most passive people you've ever met.  But the other day, I'd had enough of The Tummy Toucher.  Enough.  So I was mean.  Twice.  She was moving in on my belly when I did a pre-emptive strike by rubbing her tummy.  She told me it wasn't appropriate for me to touch her tummy because there's no baby in there.  Then I told her that my baby didn't want to be touched either.  Following that, she started to rifle through the stack of books I keep on my desk, wanting to know why I had so many books, was I taking an English class?  I said, "No, I just like to read so I won't be stupid like you."  Mean.  And I didn't even feel bad about it.

2.  There are two men in my office that have ponytails.  Now, you've got to be a special type of person to rock the male pony, and neither one of these fits the bill.  I want to sneak up behind them with a pair of scissors, chop it off, and then brandish the hair in the air like a scalp while doing my best Comanche yell.

3.  There's this bird that lives in the tree in the parking lot who has babies.  She doesn't like the cat farm we've got going on here and dive bombs any cat that gets in her way.  It's hysterical.  When I hear her squawking, I run outside.  She especially hates the old, black cat, and has pecked a patch of hair off her head.

4.  I dropped by Sam's Western Store last night on my way home from work.  It smelled sooooo good.  Like leather.  And alfalfa.  And rope.

5.  We bought Husband a lunch bucket last week.  Like a giant Coleman cooler that boasts that it can carry 30 cans of beer.  I have no idea why it's so funny to me to see him carrying it around.  Probably because it kind of makes him look like an old man wino.

6.  We went to see Knight and Day this past weekend.  Husband liked it.  I thought it was marginal at best.  I don't know whether The Lentil liked it or not, but she was jumping and kicking so hard, I thought her foot was going to bust clean out of my stomach.

7.  And speaking of The Lentil, she spent all weekend scratching and clawing, trying to get into proper birthing position.  She didn't succeed.  As far as I can tell, she's still laying diagonally, head butting my pelvic bone with her feet jammed up under my right ribs.

8.  All the scratching and clawing led to vomiting.  Lots of vomiting.  It's like it threw off my equilibrium.

9.  We watched a couple of World Cup matches this weekend despite the fact that I don't really understand soccer - and by that I mean I have absolutely no idea what's going on.  The Argentinian coach made it all worthwhile.  What a funny little man.

10.  What I really don't understand is that people who I don't even like think that I'm going to call them when the baby comes.  Like The Tummy Toucher.  She thinks she's going to be at the hospital for the delivery.   Uh...we're not friends, man!  My mom will be here and more than likely, I'll ask her to stay at our apartment.  I'm sure she'll be relieved - I think she thinks I'm going to try to make her watch me give birth.  The only person I want in the room beside the doctor and his support staff is Husband.  Then after the baby's born, I just want to rest in peace...because I'll be in pain.  And I'm not fun when I'm in pain.  Or when I'm having to bare my breasts to feed a baby.  Not that I would know that yet.  I'm just guessing.