Monday, April 20, 2009

I Love the Vegetarians. And the Mormons.

Husband and I attended the young married activity on Friday night. I'm not going to lie, it was a rather odd collection of people - people that you may never put together under any other circumstance. You've gotta love the Mormons! Here are further stories from the evening:

1. The activity was billed as a barbecue. Although it had rained heavily all day, we figured we would at least get a pan burger. What we didn't know is that they'd put a vegetarian in charge of the food. Don't get me wrong, I love the vegetarians. I'm all for them living any lifestyle they wish. However, the vegetarians shouldn't be in charge of the food in what is typically considered to be a carnivorous activity. So, instead of a hunk of meat, we got soyburgers that had been boiled in water. By the time we got there, the burgers were saturated with the water and made for a soggy, soggy bun. Even two slices of cheese couldn't resurrect them. The sides included jello with cottage cheese in it and lentils and rice. I thought I was in hell. Because hell = a meatless barbecue. No offense, but where's the beef (and the macaroni and cheese)?

2. If you are a Mormon who has lived in southeast Texas your entire life, chances are you've dated and broken up with at least one other Mormon who also still lives in southeast Texas. The young married activities are a reunion of these people - who are now married to other people. I had to get the skinny from Husband on who had dated and broken up with who and why so-and-so wasn't talking to so-and-so. Nothing like a little helping of awkwardness at the church party!

3. The hostess of the party and I got to talking about massage school about halfway through the evening. I told her I'd work on her feet if she'd bring me some lotion. Much to my delight, she brought out her KY massage oil. I almost choked on my soyburger. I have no idea why, but anything with the letters "KY" on it still cracks me up. What cracked me up even more was that the back stated that the oil was for "intimate massage". I called Husband over from clear across the room to show him...and then I showed him again and again and laughed just as heartily as I did when I first saw it. Then, I sat it right in the middle of the all the other Mormons could enjoy it, too.


Porter Family said...

And she keeps her KY massage oil in her purse because why??? Little quickie in the men's room? I bet that's the best foot massage she's ever had.

Holli said...

MAN! I'm so sorry we missed that!!!

JRome said...

Hahaha! Too Funny. Made me remember when I used to be a graveyard stalker, --er stocker, at a grocery store.

It was past midnight when a guy asked me in a very subdued tone where he could get KY Jelly.

Oh, of course, sure I can! I said.

So I walked him to the peanut butter and jelly aisle and we couldn't find it.

The guy was beginning to get uncomfortable and I was getting frustrated that I couldn't find it especially since I stock that shelf every night.

So in the middle of the store, I yelled "Hey, can someone help me remember where the KY jelly is located. This guy is looking for it"

The guy just turned beet red and I was still oblivious at what was going on.

My supervisor saw me and with a big grin told me and the guy to follow him.

I never did see anyone run away from me as soon as my super took us to the right aisle and this guy took grab of his new bottle of KY Jelly.

After the guy left, my super had to educate me on what KY Jelly is used for.

I still can't stop laughing every time I watch the KY Jelly commercials. So thank you for making me laugh today!