1. I had the same headache all week last week. Like the kind of headache where light and noise make you want to vomit.
2. And because of the headache, I had to lay still pretty much all Friday afternoon and all day Saturday. That meant that I didn't go grocery shopping. No groceries meant no lovely Easter ham, no Easter potatoes, and no Easter pudding.
3. Because I knew there would be no big Easter feast after church, I got to church in the foulest mood. This was when I was again reminded that I am easily the worst Mormon on the face of the planet. The second counselor in the bishopric called me to teach the Sunbeams. In case you don't remember, I was just released from teaching the same group of kids in nursery less than one year ago. That was the class that gave me stomach aches weekly because they were so bad. I almost went inactive. I'm not kidding.
When he asked me I said that I would do it but in in my head I was thinking, "YOU'VE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME. THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M TEACHING THAT CLASS AGAIN."
He gave me some speech about needing the cream of the crop to teach the three-year-olds because they're so impressionable. Again, I wanted to shout, "WHAT A LOAD OF BULL. I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THE LAST TWO PEOPLE YOU HAVE CALLED TO THIS CALLING HAVE ASKED TO BE RELEASED BECAUSE THOSE KIDS ARE LITTLE HELLIANS. YOU'RE JUST GOING DOWN THE LIST."
I went home and cried all afternoon. My headache came back. Really. I'm already praying for myself. And the prayer is, "Please help me not want to beat the snot out of these kids. And please help me want to go to church. And please help that my stomach won't get sick. And please help me that I will still want to have children after teaching this class."
4. It was in this state that I came to work today. The first thing that happened? One of our patients started to vomit violently less than two feet from my desk. I ran to give him a bucket while trying to control my sympathetic vomiter tendencies (other than three consecutive dry-heaves and continuous cold sweats I'm going to go ahead and commend myself for a job well done) and got there just in time for him to vomit right on my shoe, the lady next to him's shoe, and the floor. Awesome.
The Doctor thought it would be a good idea to put him in the break room wherein he vomited repeatedly and had diarrhea...right on one of two chairs where all of us eat lunch. I had to hold my breath for approximately 2 1/2 hours until someone cleaned it up. The smell and the sound almost killed me.
The good news is that the vomit pretty much cleared the waiting room of patients and we were able to go to lunch by 1pm. The bad news is that I still feel queasy, I want to go home, and I'm having to remind myself every 30 seconds that I can't quit this job because then couldn't pay the bills...