Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Thoughts on Dancing With the Stars

1. First of all, I'm afraid that the producers of Dancing With the Stars are scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as celebrities go. I mean, who's ever even heard of Gilles Marini or Chuck Wicks? The good news is that they did sign Belinda Carlisle (who got voted off last night) and we all know what that means - Ooooh, baby do you know what that's worth, oooh heaven is a place on earth, we'll make heaven a place on earth. Unfortunately, I have no video coverage of my multiple Japanese karaoke renditions of that song.

2. I hope the producers plan to sell the costumes on eBay after this season is over. I've seen several that I would look simply smashing in. I mean, backless, frontless, bottomless, topless...all of that would look good on me.

3. I take great comfort in the fact that girls like Holli Madison and Denise Richards, who are widely considered to be sex symbols are not good dancers. They've already got looks. They can't have the dancing gene, too. That would be very unfair.

4. And speaking of being good looking, I think that anyone who is overly attractive should be required to wear a sign stating why they are attractive.

For instance:

"I go tanning, get my teeth bleached, and I've had a boob job and a tummy tuck."
"I've been eating nothing but rice cakes since I was 10."
"Every picture that's ever been taken of me has been airbrushed."

As a marginally cute girl, this would make me feel better knowing that their perfection is actually not real perfection at all. In exchange, I would gladly wear a sign that said, "THIS IS ALL REAL, BABY."

5. I find it hilarious that the girl who got dumped on the Bachelor is one of the "celebrities". I mean, her only claim to fame is that she got dissed on national TV. The good news for her is that she's really pretty good. Although, she's going to want to lay off the spray tanning next week. As is Shawn Johnson. Seriously. They look they're suffering from carotenemia - and I know what that looks like because an elder on my mission decided he was only going to eat orange foods until he baptized someone. I'm not sure how long it took him, but he was bright orange and pretty sick by the time it happened.


Hooper Neffs said...

It may be true that not all attractive people are good dancers, but all dancers are attractive people. Just look at me! Ha Ha. AHHHHHHH--NO!

I think it is a requirement to be tan if you are a ballroom dancer. I used to have to put that fake tan stuff on all the time before a performance. I refused to go to the tanning beds. That was (many, many years ago) before spray tans.

Porter Family said...

Can you really imagine a completely white chick in a bikini dancing the night away with those flourescent lights and disco balls aiming right at them? As an albino with freckles, I can testify that I'd just really not like to see that. :) On another note, it's nice to see Melissa get a good jab in and stick it to crazy Jason. Interesting how her parents and new boyfriend don't mind being on camera with this show. The crazies just don't come out as much when there is actual talent involved. I am glad Woz stayed around, because I just really like the guy. Bud made the same comment about having to pull the "Z" list celebs. Oh, well.

Umm, why oh why is A&M playing BYU again in the first round? Does this not happen every year? How's your marriage holding up? Best wishes to a great madness.

Julie said...

This is the first year I've watched but it's pretty entertaining :D
As are you..

Porter Family said...

How'd husband like the A&M blowout? Good grief.

JRome said...

I thought about tanning...Well, I walked in a tanning salon and asked if I could get a discount because I was halfway there...(not really, but I did ask them how much it would cost for someone like me).