Now Accepting Applications

WANTED: One friend who is not crazy who will play with me - this may sometimes include doing stupid, slightly embarrassing things purely for entertainment. Light drinking ok, no smoking, no drugs. Please send photo and audition tape of exactly how far you're willing to go to have a good time.


Tonight I went karaoke with The Girls from class. They've been talking big for a week - listing the songs they would sing, after, of course, they'd had a few drinks. Needless to say, I need no alcohol and no prompting to sign up for a night of singing fun.

My song of choice was Slave 4 U by Brittany Spears. I chose this song for several reasons:

1. I'm nearly a dead ringer for Brittany minus the voice and general skankiness.
2. There's heavy breathing all during the chorus - if you forget the words, breathing loudly into the microphone will always suffice.
3. When I sang it for Thanet in a Japanese karaoke box, she might have compared me to a singing angel and she also might have said that at one point, I actually took the shape of a unicorn. Not that I'm quoting her directly, but I'm pretty sure that was the gist.

I had plenty of time to prepare for my performance in that the emcee had to spend half the night getting Drunk Crazy Laura off the stage as she managed to end up as a backup dancer for almost every song whether or not she'd been asked (which included some pole dancing on one man's leg) and then somehow found the microphone and started her own narration of the night and of those who "had enough balls to get up and sing."

Naturally, when it came my turn, despite the fact that at least two of The Girls claimed to be toasted, not one of them would budge from the table. I had to stand on the giant stage and sing the song, which I had forgotten is at least 90 minutes long, all by my onesies.

Now, here I am at home, disappointed because The Girls didn't deliver on their promises so they've been scratched off the list of Possible New Friends. And, I'm also upset because it's 12:30 am and I can't sleep. I'm all hopped up on Dr. Pepper.