FRIDAY

1. I'm very critical of all commercials/TV shows/movies with talking animals in them. This is because I don't think that they use the right voices for the animals. The Judy's dog, Rod (who is a girl), stutters. And she swears. This is how dogs really think. I know this because I am one of the ones who talks to her and for her.

2. I've just barely realized that my life has been extremely sheltered. I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing because I continue to be overly shocked at how others live their lives.

3. And speaking of that, I don't think I'll ever understand how seemingly intelligent people make such stupid, life-wrecking decisions. This past week I've come into contact with a woman who still bore two black eyes and a cracked bone in her arm from her abusive boyfriend. She let him move back in two days after this instance of abuse. If it were me, he would've gotten a cast iron skillet to the face. And, I also talked to a girl who already has one baby with a raging, unemployed, non-child support paying alcoholic. She is pregnant by him AGAIN. If he'd shown up on my doorstep asking for sex, I would have slammed the door in his face and then reported him to the Reckless Seed Spreading Board.

4. I planted my first tomato plant last week. It's already doubled in size. I have to study it every time I walk out the back door. I keep thinking if I look at it all the time, it'll magically produce tomatoes within the next couple of days. I'm just sure it's going to happen.

5. Does anyone know where the New Job Fairy is? If you find her, please send her my way.

6. It's so funny how your shopping habits change as you get older. I used to only think about clothes. Now I'm lusting after an Electrolux washer/dryer combo. And an Electrolux dishwasher. And a house. And new tires for my car.

7. I have some bad news. I just figured out I will never be sexy. That's right. There are many different reasons for this, the most prominent of which is that even when I'm in good shape (which is obviously not now), I still tend to reside on the chubby side.

8. I want everyone to know that there's someone in my life that I want to choke. Because this person is so clueless. So clueless that they can't figure out that everyone around them wants to choke them. And this angers me. Because for as smart as they are, they ought to be able to at least read the mood in the room.

9. I think it's funny when people in bands dance in the background. I mean, how much can you really be jamming on your Casio keyboard? Either give it up or get yourself a guitar, man.

10. I'm so glad today is Friday. If it weren't, I may be forced into a sabbatical.