The Ugliest Picture Possible

There seem to be a few laws, irrevocably decreed: #1 all driver's license pictures are the ugliest pictures in the world and #2 every time I come back from Japan after having been beaten continuously with the ugly stick for two years , my driver license expires. The aforementioned circumstance is what happens to make MY driver license picture just that much uglier than everyone else's (although I have to admit that my picture this time FAR out classes the one that I took when I came home from Japan last time).

Yesterday I went to the DMV (where the meanest people in the world work) not only to renew my drivers license but also to watch what would eventually become "the white trash parade". Perhaps it's because I just came back from Japan where all of the women are always so pretty and well put together but my word, Americans, for the most part, are NOT good looking (maybe it's just Elko, Nevada??). I'm thinking of starting a make over show targeting white trash towns of less than 40,000 people. The first thing we are going to do is get rid of the cut off levi shorts, grey sweatpants, and spiral perms.