Waxing Spiritual

Today was the primary program at church.

It's where the kids, ages 3-12, put on a program for the entire congregation.

It's always the best Sunday of the year.

I love sitting up on the stage with the kids and seeing the parent's faces when their child steps up to the microphone.  For most of them, the look on their faces is pure, unadulterated pride.  For others, it's a mixture of pride and good-grief-please-don't-let-them-say-anything-inappropriate.

This particular program was very emotionally and spiritually charged for me.

Pre-pregnancy, I was one of those people who could control their emotions.

Now, not so much.

At one point in the program, a seven-year-old girl stepped up to the microphone to say her part, "Jesus can help us when we are hurt, scared, or alone."

I started to cry.

Because I can't tell you how many times over the past year and a half  I've felt hurt, scared, or alone. 

Or all three at once.

Losing dad.

Having a hard, vomit-filled pregnancy.

A delivery that didn't go the way I wanted it to.

Having a newborn and having absolutely no idea what to do with her.

Feeling trapped.

The program continued with  I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus.

It's my very favorite primary song.

It holds a lot of special memories.

As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I sang in Japanese under my breath.

I was still pretty well under control when the final hymn, I Know that My Redeemer Lives, began.

I can't hear that song and not cry.

The crying got ugly.

Lip-quivering-red-faced-whimpering-ugly.

I tried to stop.

But I couldn't.

I was so embarrassed, thinking, "Erin!  Stop!  Everyone can see you!"

At the same time I was so grateful.

Grateful to know that Jesus Christ is my Savior.

Grateful to know of the power of the atonement - that there is help available when we can't do things ourselves.

Grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is truly mindful of his children.

Grateful to be reminded.

Fighting the Nashville Blues

1.  Last week, Sister-In-Law looked after Carolyn.  Guess what she did?  In just three days, she taught Carolyn to put herself down for a nap!  Saturday I was able to put her down and walk out of the room and she slept for almost an entire hour.  And then yesterday at church, she put herself to sleep in the car seat during sacrament meeting.  That's never happened before.

2.  Oh, Sister-In-Law also clipped Carolyn's near-deadly fingernails.  I hate clipping them.  I swear I've almost cut Carolyn's entire finger off at least twice - now I'm gun shy.

3.  Husband and I sat down last night and watched that show on TLC called Sister Wives.  It follows a Utah polygamist family - a man and his three (soon to be four) wives.  They're pretty modern polygamists, not the kind with the big hair and the puffy sleeved dresses who get married when they're twelve.  It's an interesting look into their lives. Three of the wives work outside the home and the other one takes care of the kids that aren't in school.  It kind of made me wish I had a sister wife just about now.  I mean, the only problem I would have with it would be the inability to share Husband.  And I also don't know if I could deal with another woman in my home.  Other than that, sign me up!

4.  I think I'm going to have to ask to be released from teaching the Sunbeam class at church.  Yesterday, Husband and I both had classes at the exact time Carolyn needed to eat.  I spent the last 45 minutes of church trying to hold the bottle, coral eight kids on the stand in the chapel while practicing for the primary program (I failed miserably), and keep them from poking Carolyn's eyes out.  What is it about  four-year-olds and sticking their fingers in baby's eyes??  Oh, and I also had to retrieve her binkie from three different children who thought they should have it in their mouths.  This is another instance where a sister wife would come in handy.

5.  Saturday was a day of mourning in the Peters house.  Texas A&M lost to Missouri 30-9 and BYU lost to TCU 31-3.  The only good thing was that Husband made some delicious pork taquitos and guacamole.

6.  I'm totally one of those people who will pay three times as much for watermelon that's already cut up. 

7.  I applied for a job as a massage therapist at a chiropractic office on Friday.  I figure as long as I have to work anyway, I might as well start applying for a job that I really want to do.  I was thinking that the chiropractor integrated massage into his treatment plans, which is what I was so excited about. But now that I've read and re-read the advertisement, it appears that's not the case.  It looks like there's just an open room at his office and I'll have to book my own clients.  That's not what I'm after at all.

8.  Husband dropped Carolyn off at her new babysitter's house this morning. It's this great girl from church who volunteered to help us out until Christmas.  She's one of those people who, when you see her, you think, "That lady's really got it together!"  But despite that, I made myself sick, sick, sick all weekend just thinking about having to leave her again.

9.  And speaking of that, will there ever be a time when I will feel something other than anxiety and exhaustion??

10.  My boss is still out sick.  That means I still have nothing to do.

Carolyn's Blessing Day

This is how Carolyn felt about being dressed in her blessing dress (or maybe it was the giant white devil flower her mother put on her head...I couldn't help myself...really, I couldn't):

Being the great mother I am, I totally remembered to bring the camera to church so we could take some pictures.  What this great mother had forgotten was that cameras require charged batteries in order to stay functional.  Naturally, during the entire five minutes when we actually had battery power, Carolyn screamed and screamed.  Here are a few of the pictures that were somewhat salvageable:

Freaking Out...and Stuff

1.  Yesterday, a cute couple from church invited us over for Father's Day dinner.  Their little boy is one of my very favorite kids in my three-year-old class.  We ate dinner...like sitting down at a real table.  With real, cloth napkins.  With the food on serving plates and stuff.  And we drank water out of wine glasses.  And then we had some chocolate cake (but we could only have some after, as their son reminded me, we ate all of our carrots).  I don't know when the last time was that I sat at a set table.  We eat from plates on our laps - and when we invite people over, I let them serve themselves straight from the pan on the stove...onto paper plates...and then they have to sit on the floor to eat.  It was such a nice change.

2.  The Primary Presidency contacted me this week wanting to know if I wanted them to get me a substitute for my class until after the baby is born.  I nearly kissed the computer screen when I read the email.  So yesterday, I went to church and just sat.  It's the first time in a year and a half where I've actually been to a class where I was expected to have my scriptures (which I totally didn't.  I was feeling pretty lucky to have just made it to church).  When I needed to throw up, I just walked to the bathroom and came back without worrying about how I was going to continue to take care of the kids.  And the very best part?  After church I didn't feel frazzled and sweaty.  It was luscious.

3.  Husband's Father's Day present?  An entire afternoon of me cracking the whip for him to get the downstairs closet cleaned out...and stuff thrown away.  He went above and beyond the call of duty, by also going through all of the stuff in the living room.  You should see our house (at least the downstairs) - it's the cleanest and most clutter-free that it's been since we moved in.  It's just beautiful.

4.  We had a "pizza party" with some friends on Saturday night.  It consisted of me making pizza dough and then four or five of us trying to figure out how to get a made-still-raw pizza onto the pizza stone in the oven.  It didn't really work.  The best part of the party was that everyone else brought the toppings and made their own pizzas - which I, of course, pilfered from.  I'm such a fun party planner!  Please come to my house and make your own food!  And then I'll eat it!

5.  My little MTC companion, whose baby was due three days before mine, had her baby on Sunday.  This caused me to freak out a little bit.  Ok, so a lot...like I didn't sleep last night because I'm so not ready for this baby to come - if she does come early, which I highly doubt, she won't even have a place to sleep.  We'll have to put her in a dresser drawer.  The funny thing is, this has in no way inspired me to action.  I just want someone to show up with everything I need and set it up.  I'm feeling overwhelmed and I haven't even done anything yet.

6.  And speaking of babies, Thanet had her first baby this past week!  A baby boy named Mitchell.  She had him at home....on purpose....without drugs.  She's a real woman.

7.  I got graham cracker paste slimmed by a little girl at church.  It made me dry-heave.  I wonder how I'm going to be a mother...

8.  On top of the five brand new kitties at work, there are now two more.  They're little, fluffy, brown and black stripped kitties that look like really skinny porcupines.