Monday, January 25, 2016

September on Facebook

Dear Myself,
There's something I'd like you to try. It's called "thinking things through before committing". Because you apparently have a trained response wherein you automatically blurt out "YES!" to pretty much everything anyone asks you to do. And inevitably, you get yourself in trouble and end up in situations you don't want to be in. Just think about it.
Your Brain

This morning I cut The Tater two pieces of cheese but failed to hand them to him one at a time, leading to a five minute on-the-floor tantrum, after which he picked up the cheese and ate it like nothing had ever happened. I just love this stage of development.  ‪#‎reasonswhymytoddlercries‬

This day was only just saved from being stupid by Texas A&M pulling it out in overtime. BYU? Stupid. Texas Tech? Stupid. Texas? Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I just cleaned my entire kitchen TWICE with laundry spotting spray and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working.  ‪#‎byulossmakingmecrazy‬

After last week's game, I made the stupidest statement ever, "I'd rather lose by fifty than one!" Well...down 31 at the half (and looking like Bo Diddly Tech) and let me tell you, IT IS NOT BETTER.

Reasons why temping as a massage therapist in a chiropractic office rules: 1. Massage is part of a bona fide medical treatment. 2. People don't freak out when you tell them you're going to touch their bum (I'm sorry people, but if you have low back/upper leg pain, this is a MUST). 3. I met a detective today who asked if I wanted a side job in interrogation because I'm "so strong". Why yes, yes I do. Move over, Jack Bauer.

That one time when, after using Biofreeze on a patient you thought, "It doesn't make sense to wash my hands, go to the bathroom, and then wash my hands again, does it?! So I'll just wash my hands after." Oooo-weee. Big mistake.

That time when you don't have time for lunch, so you eat a donut at 3 and then try to go running and you almost die. Awesome.

Today, tattooed on the small of a woman's back, "High Class White Trash". No further explanation needed.

Got the opportunity to dust off my long-unused (15-ish years) physical therapy aide skills today in between massages, much to the amazement of the other girls. RPT = the company that keeps on giving! Erin Peters = consummate winner!

Within the 10-odd football games we've seen today, the word "penetrate" has been uttered at least 492 times. There has GOT TO BE another word they can use there. At least they haven't said moist.

College Football Gameday does story and interview with Tanner Mangum featuring the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in the background singing the Hallelujah Chorus. Bless it.

Speaking to the gym manager about the removal of "my" treadmill: we've ordered the new treadmills, bikes, and four arc trainers.
Me: I don't even know what Arc trainers are. Will they make me skinny without quitting Nutella?
Him: Yes, I believe that was included in the brochure.
Best. Gym. Manager. Ever.

Picked up a terrified The Kid just now at school who admitted she was crying because she got her number on the board and she was scared we'd be mad, "I just want to go back to my old school where they weren't so rough on us."

Lady: My friend, who is really educated said... 
Me: Yeah, I don't think so (proceed to point out various societal misnomers involving the subject which PS I studied in college for three years).
Lady: I think you're wrong. My friend has a bachelor's degree.

This is where my favorite treadmill used to reside. Exygon has taken it away. Forgive them, for they know not what they do. ‪#‎startrac‬ ‪#‎pleasebzringitback‬

It's always super fun when you manage to surprise someone by doing something they didn't know you could do. What's not super fun is when that thing is legibly printing the names of the kids in your class. Yes, yes, I can write. Amazing, I know. Another thing I can do? Count to ten without messing up. Learned that one down to college.

On our way to five quarts of homemade rum Madagascar vanilla! Because who doesn't need five quarts of vanilla?! Rum...errr....vanilla all around, I mean! ‪#‎rumsmellslikerubbingalcohol‬

Dear People at the Gym Who Work Out Next to Me Without Headphones,
Just so you realize, when I'm at the gym, I'm in my own little world. Thus, I will probably spontaneously burst out into song, dance, or diatribes to myself about how I should be able to lift more than I am. So, work out next to me at your own risk.
Your Newest Friend,

When Husband, bless his little Texas heart, pronounces Nevada correctly while talking to his equally Texan father....brings tears to my eyes!

Being a Mormon in a liquor store is much like what I assume it'd be like for a vegan in a butcher shop.

Came downstairs after my shower to find The Tater quite contendedly watching Sports Center and yelling at the TV, "GET THE BALL, GET THE BALL!" That's from the Peters side of the family, you know.

Praise the Lord for College Football Saturday and cheat meals! One food from each major food group: chicken fried pork chops, buttermilk mashed potatoes, andouille milk gravy, and green peas. Up for desert? Homemade cheesecake. We don't mess around. Oh, and Gig 'Em! And goooooo cougars!

Bronco Mendenhall storming the field included in College Game Day opening montage. Because being awesome automatically gets you in.

The results are in and guess who's Factor V negative?! This girl! Finally, ONE THING I didn't inherit from the Saden side of the family (things I did inherit = a full beard, a gut, ferret eyes, and sweating like a man)

Last night for the first time in a long time, I dreamt in Japanese (and for some reason, it was in a grocery store where Jamie Lundy Shepherd was making a big fuss because she couldn't find beets). I woke up feeling incredibly natsukashii (I don't know the English word for that...sentimental??) 

The Kid is learning sight words at school, so I picked her up a set of flash cards. Later on that night, Husband downloaded a sight words game on his iPad. Guess who won the battle of Best Parent EVER? Hint: it wasn't me. ‪#‎flashcardsdonthaveatouchscreen‬  ‪#‎iwalkeduphillbothwaystoschool‬‪#‎whyamisoold‬

That one time at the gym when a lady asks you if you should be working out so hard when you're pregnant. And then when you tell her you're not pregnant, she just walks away.

Today at work: a little girl who screamed almost non-stop for over four hours. It. Was. Awesome.

The final play of the BYU/Nebraska game was featured on ABC, NBC, and CBS nightly news just now. Because everyone in America needs to see it.

Husband upon returning from church, "I'm in a bad mood. Watching Texas A&M win again will probably make me feel better."

Poor Texas. Can't beat the Mormons. Can't beat the Catholics. ‪#‎maybetrythemethodists‬

Bronco and I looked the same after that catch! Of course, mine was around the living room with a squealing one-year-old. The superman shirt and BYU blue toenails totally worked! ‪#‎hailmary‬ ‪#‎eventhemormonsdoit‬ ‪#‎byucougars‬‪#‎mangumpi‬

If anyone doubts our commitment to College Football Saturday, you simply have to look in our fridge, where you'll find EIGHT party packs of Zummos sausages. Because when things are on sale, we buy them. And because apparently we need enough links to feed 80 people. ‪#‎collegegameday‬‪#‎comintoyourcity‬ ‪#‎enoughtofeedanarmy‬ ‪#‎onlytwopeopleeating‬

The Kid got in the car at school pickup, "Mama, a boy in my class wanted some of my chips but I told him no way, I had to beg for these babies from my mom and I'm not sharing. So, he grabbed my apples and my NutriGrain bar and threw them on the floor! And I wanted to slap him, but then I remembered The Golden Rule. You know, don't slap someone who throws your food."

Turning 37 apparently makes you a weenie. Finished my leg workout by the skin of my teeth and then walked by a man who was bench pressing as much as I was leg pressing. When I stopped to talk to him, this, "Yeah, well, I'm coming back from a shoulder injury so I thought I'd just take it easy today." Oh, really? Yeah, me too. Just taking it easy today.

That time when you're rushing to get everyone dressed and out the door and when you get in the car, you realize it's 6:40, not 7:40. ‪#‎chickfilastop‬ ‪#‎winning‬‪#‎breakfastofchampions‬ ‪#‎freechickenministomorrow‬ ‪#‎butnottoday‬

If taking care of your own kids is tiring, taking care of seven of someone else's (that are all one year old) is freaking exhausting. Thank goodness I get off work just in time for Happy Hour at Sonic. Maybe a Dr Pepper will take the edge off...

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