The Kid - September and October 2015

In the bath last night:

Me: Dude, stop splashing! It'll get outside the tub and leak through the ceiling and daddy will be mad.
The Kid: Yeah. And then he'll marry a different lady.

The Kid: Mama, I want to wear my Go Cougars.
Me: You mean your little cheerleader hair clips?
The Kid: Well, mama, it is football season, of course I want to wear them!

Saw The Kid make a hasty exit from the kitchen with something hidden in her hand. Found her on the stairs with a handful of mashed potatoes:

Me: Dude, we have bowls.
The Kid: Well, I couldn't find a spoon, so I thougt, "Why not use my hands?!"
Me: That's disgusting. 
The Kid: No, it's delicious.

The Kid came jumping out of my room wearing the black pillow case to my body pillow, "Mama, look! I'm a cavity!"

PS Why do I buy her toys??

The Kid's newest thing is staring contests. Yesterday she lost to her daddy, "Well, that's ok. I think I'll just stick to blinking for now."

"You know, I'm a full-sandwich eater. That's just the kind of girl I am."

The Kid just handed me a picture she drew:

Me: Tell me about this picture.
The Kid: Well, that's me and that's candy surrounded by hypnotic waves because that's how candy makes me feel.

Did The Kid's nails last night and this morning, "I sure am glad God invented Jamberry. How else would I be so fabulous?"

Me: Hey, there's Brad!
The Kid: Who's Brad?
Me: Daddy's former roommate.
The Kid: You mean his servant?

Trying to convince The Kid to sleep in tomorrow, "No, thanks. I usually get up really early. That's just part of my schedule."

Husband took The Kid to Sonic for a drink as a prize for being good at the grocery store and this, "Do you think next time my prize could be a chili cheese dog?"

Me: Hey, conference is on. Do you want me to put it on the iPad for you?
The Kid: No. I'm not really in to general conference.

"Oh, man, I wish I had cryokinetic powers like Elsa so I'd never have to worry about snakes."

The Kid: I'm going to need daddy to bring me McDonald's today for lunch at school.
Me: Why?
The Kid: Because daddy makes me feel comfortable. And so does McDonald's.

The Kid: Don't forget to remind me that we're going to McDonald's after school. 
Me: No, I said we're going to see the house with zombies on it. 
The Kid: Well, I was thinking that if seeing a house with zombies on it is interesting, seeing a house with zombies on it while eating McDonald's would be even better!

The Kid: I know you said that life is never going to be fair and I hate to say it, but you're right. And I'd just like to say that, well, THIS is not fair.

For me, there's literally nothing better in the entire world than having my back scratched and my hair played with, so I assume everyone likes it:

The Kid: Why are you touching me like that?
Me: I'm loving!
The Kid: Well, don't. It feels all spidery.

Put The Kid's hair in a super cute ponytail this morning:

The Kid: Mama, I'm going to need you to take out my ponytail.
Me: Why?! It's so cute!
The Kid: Because my hair needs a vacation.

"Tater, you're going to have to learn that I'm older and bigger, and therefore, I am always going to win."

Made grilled cheese for the kids for breakfast and this, "Mama, is this part of a balanced diet?"

The Kid earned $1 today so I tried to teach her about tithing:

Me: So, we keep 90% and give Heavenly Father 10%. That means you keep nine dimes and give him one.
The Kid: So God can have money to buy stuff for his people.
Me: Yes.
The Kid: Maybe next time I can keep all my coins and just give him the paper money.

The Kid is currently having her first tic-tac-toe experience with her father, who, unfortunately, keeps winning, "Mama! Daddy's cheating by winning!"