Thursday, November 26, 2015

The Kid - May 2015

The Kid: Mama, I think Tater needs some ninny.
Me: Baby, I don't think I have any ninny left.
The Kid: Well, go downstairs, drink a cup of warm milk, and fill those babies back up!

The Kid saw some Skittles at the store, "Mama, I saw these on TV and they said to buy some so I could taste the rainbow and I thought, yes, that is something I'm interested in doing."

Husband brought The Kid a fancy bag of chips home from this work trip and this, "Mama, these chips are crunchy, but they don't have a taste. They're not good. But it sure was nice of daddy to think of me."

The Kid: Oh, man, things are just not going my way!
Husband: What's wrong?
The Kid: Well, you guys won't do anything I want you to.

The Kid: I really want to be Elsa.
Me: What about Anna? Then you could be nice. And you could have Kristoff.
The Kid: Oh, mama, I'd rather be a queen and have ice powers than have Kristoff. He sleeps with a deer.

Just walked into MY OWN ROOM to find The Kid camped out in my bed with her tablet:
The Kid: I am having some privacy time if you don't mind.
Me: Well, yes, I do mind, this is my bedroom.
The Kid: Privacy time can be in any room.

The Kid: Will you help me?
Me: Yes. I just have to clean the toilet.
The Kid: Cleaning toilets is for losers.

The Kid: You're the best daddy ever.
Husband: Well, I try.
The Kid: No, you are succeeding!

The Kid heated herself up a piece of ham for breakfast this morning:
Me: What should we have for breakfast?
The Kid: I already had breakfast.
Me: One piece of ham is not breakfast.
The Kid: That's funny. It tasted like breakfast.

The Kid has a hard time remembering to flush the toilet (please tell my my kid isn't the only one):
Me: Dude! There's poop in the toilet and you didn't flush it!
The Kid: DON'T FLUSH IT! I'm doing an experiment.
Me: An experiment?
The Kid: Well, yes, I read about poop beetles today and I'd like to see one.
Me: I don't think dung beetles get poop out of the toilet.
The Kid: Well, you don't know everything.

The Kid: What are you going to do at the gym today?
Me: Weights.
The Kid: But mama, that will interrupt your Zumba/treadmill pattern! We must stick to the pattern!

Today we had eight baby slugs on our back step. When we opened the door later on, they were gone:
Me: Where do you think they went?
The Kid: I don't know. I'm not a slug sitter.

Watching Say Yes to the Dress and this, "Well, mama, that girl sure looks pretty, but there's a problem. There's no way to keep that dress up. There's no straps."

The Tater was "helping" The Kid up the stairs by pushing on her bum and this, "Tatie, I'm going to have to ask you to take your hands off my thorax."

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