Monday, December 01, 2014

The Kid - November 2014

Husband took The Kid to the funeral of a family friend today and after the closing prayer and the carrying out of the casket, "Ok, daddy, let's go somewhere much more exciting now."

"Mama, I'm going to need something to drink. I believe some healthy orange juice might do the trick."

Me: Hey, dude, what are you doing?
The Kid: I'm thinking about my occupation when I grow up.
Me: Your occupation?
The Kid: Yeah. I'm going to be a ninja or a sniper. Because I'm pretty sneaky.

The Kid: Oh, mama, I LOVE IT!
Me: What do you love?
The Kid: I love my perfect life!
Me: Why's it so perfect?
The Kid: Because Heavenly Father made us squishy toys!

I took the bread out of the oven today and it was poking up funny:
The Kid: What happened here?
Me: Oh, I didn't roll it very well and it popped up.
The Kid: Well, did you try hard?
Me: Yeah.
The Kid: Then it counts!

After church:
"Mama, we got to learn a new Christmas song today. When Joseph Went to Beth-le-Have. What I want to know is, who is Beth and what does she have that Joseph wants?"

The Kid: I need something to start saving my pee in.
Me: Why?!
The Kid: Because I'm going to pour all of it into a swimming pool and make a pee pool so we can all turn nice and yellow.

Coming out of the bathroom at Chick-Fil-A:
The Kid: Well, they were out of toilet paper, so I just wiped my bum on my sleeve.
The Kid: Don't worry, mama, I didn't get it on my hands. I pulled my sleeve right up over them!

"Mama, I was going to give you the last popcicle but then I remembered that I wanted it."

Husband is sick and as such, he drinks a Coke in the morning:
The Kid: Daddy shouldn't drink that, it'll make him more sick!
Me: Well, what should we do about that?
The Kid: Well, I could help him out by drinking it for him.

The Kid: Mama, I am against killing really small chickens.
Me: Oh, you are, huh?
The Kid: Yeah. We should let them grow big and then kill them so they can give us lovely chicken nuggets.

Put The Tater down for a nap and snuck in a shower mid-meal preparation. When I came back downstairs, there was a tiny finger-track straight through my pies:
Me: Dude, what happened to the pies?
The Kid: Well, I thought they needed a little taste test.
Me: I told you not to touch them!
The Kid: But Mama! There's good news! Both of them are really, really good! Not too sweet, not too sour! Think about that!

Took The Kid out of the house today since she was stir crazy (everyone's been sick). While we were out, a man with two little kids stepped right in front of our car while we were trying to park:
The Kid: Get out of the middle of the road, people! Dammit!
The Kid: Daddy says it to the maroon people (Texas A&M football players) on TV.

No comments: