I don't spend many days at home these days.
Mostly because Texas is soooooo hot, you have to keep the shades and curtains drawn and it's like living in a cave. I feel oppressed. And claustrophobic. And I'm tired at looking at all of the crap we have that I don't want to have but that I can't bear to get rid of.
But today, while Husband went to the movie, Carolyn and I hung out here. With the curtains open. The AC unit ran the entire time.
Because there's really so much I should be doing at home, but for the love, I just....don't want to, so I've been avoiding it.
Beside, do you know how much work it is to wade through three years of girl things trying to pair it down enough to where you will also be able to fit three years of boy's things in the same amount of space?
I mean, not that I went through three years of girl stuff because I tried to climb up in the attic to remove all the boxes back down that ladder-that's going-to-fall-apart-if-I-gain-another-pound, but the attic was so blessed hot, I almost passed out and therefore, didn't get even one of the boxes down. But man, oh man, did I ever think about it. That's a job that's going to have to wait for Husband.
And while I was doing all of that, I was thinking about the fact that today my mother is getting married and how I'm the only one that's not there and how I'm just a bit bitter over the whole thing.
Oh, I'm not bitter that she's getting married. I'm bitter because I miss everything. Everything. And I'm officially the aunt that none of the nieces and nephews know because I've never been around. I always used to feel sorry for my cousins that were in the same predicament I now find myself in. They'd show up to things every once-in-a-while and we'd all be like, "Um, like who are those pasty city kids?"
It also makes me miss my dad. I was hanging a new canvas in Carolyn's room, which necessitated the removal of some other pictures, one of which, is my favorite picture of my dad. My eyes watered up and Carolyn, who was standing right at my elbow, said, "Hey, there's Grandpa Paul! I think he is having fun in heaven!"
On top of all of this, I found out this week that through no fault of my own, there is a very distinct possibility that after I have this baby, I may not have a job to go back to. So, barring a miracle (please, start praying for one!), I will have a 3-year-old, a new baby, and be looking for yet another job that will allow me to be the semi-stay-at-home-mom that I have been without working myself to death. It's made even sadder by the fact that I really, really love my job. The hours I work have been beyond ideal. I mean, my clients have their moments but after working with them for almost two years, they are part of my life.
Sigh. I sigh a lot these days.
The good news is that the entire upstairs of my house is clean, the little one in my belly is kicking like crazy (that really is the best part of pregnancy), and Carolyn told me today that all of my baby names are stupid and that I should just stick with Nick Jr. because that is "awesome".