Saturday, February 16, 2013

This Week on Facebook

Me: Hey, do you want a sandwich?
TK: Yes. So go make me one.
Me: Well, that's not very nice. Can you ask nicely?
TK: Oh, mama, I'm so sorry I'm not nice. Go make me a sandwich. Right now.

Making rainbow cupcakes with two 2-year-olds = maybe the worst idea I've ever had. Also the most hilarious exercise I've ever been a part of.

The Kid: Mama, you can't have a cupcake for breakfast. It will make you sick all over your mouth.

So I'm at Zumba and I keep thinking, "Something doesn't feel right." So, I go to the bathroom and guess what? Huge hole right in the crotch of my pants. Only one word for something like that: awe-some.

Sitting at a little table at the gym today, The Kid says, "I think someone is going to bring us some donuts!" Why yes, I think you are right.

The Beaumont PD just rolled up in our driveway to serve our neighbor with a warrant (because that's how our neighborhood rolls). The Kid took one look and said, "Uh oh, mama, they're comin' for ya."

The Kid as I was toasting some bread this morning: Mama, did you do that all by yourself? You're so smart!
Thanks, dude. Nothing like celebrating mediocrity!

Had a dream last night that I went to a store called Erin where everything magically fit me, making me look skinnier, taller, and sassier. Also, Bill Cosby was my dad. Best. Dream. Ever.

In an effort to get rid of some soon-to-be-over-ripe avocados, I've been making sandwiches with them in the morning. When I asked The Kid if she wanted one, she said, "No, I don't want that nasty green sam-o-wich."

The dude from the new Calvin Klien panty ad is on Ellen today. He's so pretty. Unfortunately, he has the personality of sawdust and is stupid as a bag of hammers. What a shame.

The Kid: Mama, I think I need to take my head off.
Me: You do, huh?
The Kid: Yeah, I don't need it anymore.

While leafing through the hymn book today at church, I asked which hymn she wanted to sing and she said, "I don't know. Call Me Maybe, I guess."

Husband made us some eggs and toast for dinner last night and when he gave The Kid her plate she said, "Well, daddy, where's the bacon?"

Rushing home from work, trying to get there before The Kid fell asleep in her car seat (and ruined all hopes of a nap). Looked in the mirror and saw her head nodding:

Me (loudly): Hey, dude, don't fall asleep, we're almost home.
The Kid: I need you to be quiet. I can't sleep. You're being really, really loud.

Me: Hey, you wanna go to a party?
The Kid: And sing Happy Birthday?
Me: No, it's a Valentine's Day party. That's where you give your sweetheart a sugar.
The Kid: You're not my sweetheart. Daddy's my sweetheart.
Me: Well, what am I, then?
The Kid: You're just my special darlin'.

Happy Valentine's day to the two greatest loves of my life: Husband and The Kid. And Happy Valentine's to all of those that I love but just not as much as I love them. :)

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