Deep Tissue THIS

I met with another massage therapist yesterday.

She said that if I'd get on the table, she'd "show me some stuff".

It started out nice.

Great foot massage.

And then...

BLAGHAHRHA!

WHAT THE EFF!

Without any warning whatsoever, she moved into deep tissue.

Read about my past experiences with deep tissue here and here.

To this day, I honestly have no idea why anyone would sign up for a deep tissue massage.

It's like torture.

Pure torture.

In fact, forget waterboarding and acid drips, just threaten me with a deep tissue massage and I'll tell you anything.

ANYTHING.

Yes, I cheated my sister at Candy Land by stacking the deck when I was five.  And six.  And seven.

Yes, I also cheated at Life when she would go to the bathroom and come back and I would tell her I'd already spun and my job was a doctor.

Yes, me and my brother and sister broke into my other sister's room and ate her Dr. Pepper chapstick.

The massage hurt like HELL.

I told her it hurt and she just kept going.  As if she was enjoying my wailing

Today my body hurts so bad, I may as well have hurled myself off a 300 foot cliff.

I couldn't sleep last night - my entire body ached.  Don't even get me started on how bruised my skin feels.

And even though I drank enough water to fill a small kiddie pool (so all the released toxins could make their exit), I feel like I have the flu- sore throat, stuffy nose, giant headache.

I want to call her and ask why. 

Why, why, why did you do this to me?

Why would you do this to anyone??

You sadist.