Dear Mars Snackfood US, LLC.,
Please, for the love of Pete, change the cookie part of the peanut butter Twix back to the original cookie for the following reasons:
1. It freaks me out a little bit when I see the black cookie.
2. The original cookie tasted better.
3. I said so.
Thank you,
Erin
Dear Makers of Aussie Shampoo,
I can't believe that after all of these years of my unwavering loyalty toward your products, you've gone ahead and changed the scent of your mousses. The scent is the only reason I stayed with your brand. Now I'm going to have to buy Fructis.
Sorry,
Erin
Dear Lady,
Did you seriously just give me a calendar with beautiful pictures ruined by tacky inspirational quotes in giant print? What was wrong with just pictures?
Upset,
Erin
Dear Men I Work With,
See this look on my face when you feel you have to enumerate your accomplishments to me? It means I don't give a damn.
Get Over Yourselves,
Erin
Dear People of Southeast Texas (and everywhere else),
I don't know how many times I have to say this, but "hisself" is not a word.
Erin
Dear Market Basket of the Hood Deli Workers,
Good grief, but you all know something about frying some catfish. And red beans and rice. Num, num num. If only I wasn't scared of getting knifed, I might come down there a little more often.
Grateful,
Erin
3 comments:
You've got to love the fact that Aussie Shampoo is not sold in Australia (is it even made in Australia? I read their story and it talks about some American guy discovering the amazing properties of stuff from "the wilds of Australia". (We have wilds?) Probably because it sounds pretentious and I doubt it would sell unless it was really really good.
Personally, I buy my shampoo and conditioner at LUSH!
That sounds "Kangaroo Jack".
his·self (hz-slf)
pron. Chiefly Southern & South Midland U.S.
Himself.
Our Living Language Speakers of some vernacular American dialects, particularly in the South, may use the possessive reflexive form hisself instead of himself (as in He cut hisself shaving) and theirselves or theirself for themselves (as in They found theirselves alone). These forms reflect the tendency of speakers of vernacular dialects to regularize irregular patterns found in the corresponding standard variety. In Standard English, the pattern of reflexive pronoun forms shows slightly irregular patterning; all forms but two are composed of the possessive form of the pronoun and -self or -selves, as in myself or ourselves. The exceptions are himself and themselves, which are formed by attaching the suffix -self/-selves to the object forms of he and they rather than their possessive forms. Speakers who use hisself and theirselves are smoothing out the pattern's inconsistencies by applying the same rule to all forms in the set. · A further regularization is the use of -self regardless of number, yielding the forms ourself and theirself. Using a singular form in a plural context may seem imprecise, but the plural meaning of ourself and theirself is made clear by the presence of the plural forms our- and their-. Hisself and theirselves have origins in British English and are still prevalent today in vernacular speech in England.
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