I'm going to go ahead and say it before someone else beats me to it.
I'm pretty much the worst mother in the world.
I read blogs of other mothers.
They never talk about how hard being a mother is.
Instead, everything is so wonderful.
Every day.
All the time.
Oh, the baby only slept three hours last night, but I am just like, having a total blast. Like it couldn't be any better. Did I mention it's wonderful?
And all I can think is, "What am I doing wrong??"
Because I'm exhausted. And good grief, did she really dirty her diaper twenty-five seconds after I changed it?? And yes, I'm tired of being covered in spit up already. I mean, I guess the good thing is that it's not real throw up...yet.
Three people at church yesterday told me how much they miss having a brand new baby.
Really??
Because I'm looking forward to the time when Carolyn can sit up on her own. And put herself down for a nap. And run to Sonic to pick me up a Route 44 Dr. Pepper.
Instead, we're taking steps back.
For instance, she's recently decided that sleep, at any time of the day, is for the birds.
Her new favorite time of day is 4 am. She thinks it's time to chat it up.
I'm not nice at 4 am.
To anyone.
Ever.
Just now, I put two hours of effort into trying to get her to take a nap.
In the end, I had to put her down and let her cry so I could actually get something done.
Like wipe up the red Kool-Aid that's now stained the kitchen counter.
And take out the overflowing garbage.
And pluck 15% of my beard.
You know, only the most important things.
12 comments:
This is why people hate mommy blogs. Because it's always about how wonderful and easy things are.
Maybe they are blinded by love. Or more likely, they are so overwhelmed they are trying to convince themselves, via the blog, that everything is under control?
I'm cheering you on from afar Erin, you can totally do this. And someday, in a month not too far off, she will sit up on her own. Snag some liquid bleach for that kool-aid stain- just dump some on and in 10 or 15 minutes, wipe the bleach up. I don't have any good advice- just a simple hang in there is all I got.
It's okay, some people love babies and some don't. Personally I love the babies when they can't move anywhere really, maybe i am just lazy and dont like chasing them but i would take a crying sitting still baby any day over a wiggle worm. Of course I would also change a dirty diaper than give a child a bath. (I hate giving baths!) Just take a deep breath and go day to day. And wait for that little smile that makes the day all better!
I don't know if I have ever commented on your blog before...I know I have started to, but I probably haven't. I love reading your blog. I love how real you are! What you are doing is so hard...and part of it is that is your first time to be a mommy. You are going thru a very steep learning curve. One of the hardest things with my first was not know when it would end. People kept telling me that I would sleep again, or that my boobs would eventually stop hurting, etc. etc. But until you have gone through it yourself, you don't know. That was one of the reasons that even though I had twins the second time around parts of it were so much easier. I knew that it was going to suck for a while. Also the second time around I already knew what I was doing, how 'I do things' and all the "helpful nurses" and La Leche League could go jump off a cliff. That made it a lot easier(not that I am suggesting you sign up for a second right now...*que insane laughter*) and For the record, I do much better when they start moving around on their own, are more interactive, and can play by themselves a little. You can do this. I love reading your blog. You speak truth!
It's rough. I did it alone with a DH in Iraq and it SUUUUCKED. I felt horrible because I hated it so much. Until my boss confessed that she hated the infant stage too. I was exhausted, tired, and wanted peace again. Some people are sickos and love that infant thing. If Eli had stopped crying for a few minutes, I might have enjoyed it.
Note...my DH got fixed when our son turned two. I am NOT doing it again. IT SUCKED.
I love him...but they need to come out six months old...
BIG HUGS
And I keep trying to tell my SIL how much it sucks...she isn't listening...she's all dewey eyed and seven months pregnant. *Insert hysterical cackle here...*
Confession time: I didn't like being a mom with my first baby. I HATED it. I didn't like my baby most all of the time. I didn't know what he wanted when he cried, I didn't know why he was crying, I didn't feel good for the first 10 weeks because of the crap I had to go through with having him. It all SUCKED! My boobs hurt, my incision hurt, I couldn't move, all I could do was cry and cry and cry and when I wasn't crying he was. I HATED life and I was not impressed with my baby. Then he started to get older and happier and less fussy and more likable. He started interacting with me and started being cute. He also started sleeping through the night which was a huge bonus for me. I am not much a fan of the baby baby stage. When they start to hit 4 month or so and they laugh, and giggle, and follow you, and can get on a schedule and do good naps and sleep through the night and only cry when they need something that is what I like. I also have to say I am not a fan of talking children. So don't encourage her to talk because then she will just talk back to you! So not good! Hang in there. I wish you lived closer and then I would have you over all the time to hang out. And I know everyone has said it but it really does get better.
Erin: I don't have kids yet, so feel free to ignore my comment, but it's like that Trace Adkins song "You're Gonna Miss This". Times are hard right now, but in a year, maybe 2, you're gonna look back and enjoy the time having a newborn.
I just want to say you inspire me because I"m just starting to write my Japanese memoirs to put into a book of some sort to try and get published.
You are not the worst Mum in the world. You seem like a pretty good mum, with a beautiful baby.
And if you want to read a blog where everything isn't perfect, I like Busy Dad Blog. Mainly because all babies poo everywhere at any time.
Hope you have a better day.
You are NOT the worst mother in the world. You are probably one of the few who choose to be HONEST about motherhood and what it is really like. I applaud your honesty. You are brave.
This post has inspired me to write one of my own today, and I dedicated it to you. Please check it out here:
http://krissysue2.blogspot.com/2010/10/dear-erin-and-other-new-moms.html
I think after a couple of years you block the memories of the endless crying--it is taken over by all the toddler antics. And with my second one I was so busy with the toddler antics it was easy to ignore the crying stage. But at least you get rest during that stage compared to the newborn infant stage. So it will seem a lot better for a while! I never thought I would refer to my daughter in any terrible way but then I wrote a post titled the Toddler from H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. Luckily there is usually a nice little break between the crying newborn-toddler from you know where stage. Its a good thing too or we might join ranks with the other animals who eat their young...Hang in there!
To be honest, that's why I like reading yours! I like reading along...and then nodding...simply because I've been there! It's refreshing!
I don't post all the bad things in my blog like I probably should...but then again, I don't like reminding myself is all...
Girl...you are one of the only ones that is ALL honest on your blog! It's awesome! When I get to the computer, I'm usually putting up pictures of something cute the kids did...not the 95% of the day when I wanted to rip out my hair and strangle them! :) With Ty, since he's my 4th, I kind of know what to expect and I'm much more calm. I think babies can sense that. With Hannah, it was a completely different story...I hated waking up all the time, I hurt, I was SUPER moody, I was gaining weight, and I was trying to still keep my marriage sexy when I didn't feel it!! I felt bad because I wanted a break because I didn't hear about moms that wanted breaks from their babies...cause they're moms ya know?! You'll get through this and just try to take in the little moments and enjoy them....it gets better! And what a damn cute baby you have!! xoxo
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