Waxing Spiritual

Today was the primary program at church.

It's where the kids, ages 3-12, put on a program for the entire congregation.

It's always the best Sunday of the year.

I love sitting up on the stage with the kids and seeing the parent's faces when their child steps up to the microphone.  For most of them, the look on their faces is pure, unadulterated pride.  For others, it's a mixture of pride and good-grief-please-don't-let-them-say-anything-inappropriate.

This particular program was very emotionally and spiritually charged for me.

Pre-pregnancy, I was one of those people who could control their emotions.

Now, not so much.

At one point in the program, a seven-year-old girl stepped up to the microphone to say her part, "Jesus can help us when we are hurt, scared, or alone."

I started to cry.

Because I can't tell you how many times over the past year and a half  I've felt hurt, scared, or alone. 

Or all three at once.

Losing dad.

Having a hard, vomit-filled pregnancy.

A delivery that didn't go the way I wanted it to.

Having a newborn and having absolutely no idea what to do with her.

Feeling trapped.

The program continued with  I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus.

It's my very favorite primary song.

It holds a lot of special memories.

As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I sang in Japanese under my breath.

I was still pretty well under control when the final hymn, I Know that My Redeemer Lives, began.

I can't hear that song and not cry.

The crying got ugly.

Lip-quivering-red-faced-whimpering-ugly.

I tried to stop.

But I couldn't.

I was so embarrassed, thinking, "Erin!  Stop!  Everyone can see you!"

At the same time I was so grateful.

Grateful to know that Jesus Christ is my Savior.

Grateful to know of the power of the atonement - that there is help available when we can't do things ourselves.

Grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is truly mindful of his children.

Grateful to be reminded.