Dr. Dolittle

1.  I have a problem.  My shoes don't fit anymore.  The only thing I can wear is flip-flops and I have to wear them like a Polynesian - with my feet lopping over the sides.  I really, really, really don't need this right now.  I mean, because let's be honest, I already had the fattest feet of anyone I know.  Now they look like hobbit feet.  Only less hairy.  And marginally more clean.

2.  I had this 10% off coupon from Target for anything on my baby registry that I've been guarding with my life for the last month.  Last night, Husband and I went to make an order and where's the coupon?  No idea.

3.  I've been having stupors of thought.  I used to have them infrequently - the kind where you go to the kitchen but when you get there, you can't remember why you went in the first place?  Now I have them at least seven times everyday. 

4.  I keep waiting for this "burst of energy" everyone says you have right before your baby's born.  I really need it - there's so much to do when I get home from work, but all I can manage is to flop onto the couch, close my eyes, and think about what I'm supposed to be doing.  The only kind of energy I'm feeling is a magnetic pull toward Snickers bars.

5.  Yesterday, the lady who always tells me how fat I'm looking (GIIIIRRRLLL....you lookin' extra big today!) came running to my desk, needing me to come outside.  The mother cat was out there, yowling.  She's always yowling.  The lady said, "Erin, I need you to tell me why this cat is making that noise."  Um.  Who do you think I am, Dr. Dolittle?  I don't speak cat.  However, judging by her body language, she's saying, "It's 934 degrees out here and I have to take care of seven babies and I'm really skinny and I'm HUNGRY."  Mostly I think that's what she's saying because that's pretty much how I feel.  Except I don't have seven babies.  And I'm not skinny.

6.  I think I'm going to need a constant companion to boost my baby care self-esteem.  When I got pregnant, I had this great plan that every week when I went to the store, I was going to buy one baby product - that way when the baby came, I'd be all stocked up on everything I need and the cost would be spread out over time.  Except I still have no idea what I really need.  So I stand in front of the baby aisle and vacillate between shampoos and baby wipes and in the end, I put every thing down and walk away before I start bawling.

7.  I've apparently done an extra-super good job of convincing people that I am irreplaceable at work.  Several times in the past two weeks, people have freaked out that I'm leaving to have a baby and have insisted that I write down all of my job duties before I go so they know what needs to be done in my absence.  Uh.  Well....Monday morning for 30 minutes, I do time cards.  Then for 7.5 hours, I "research" stuff on the Internet.  Tuesday, I file for 30 minutes, type for 15, and then do more research for the remaining 7.25 hours.  Do you see a pattern emerging here?