Dear Dad,

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written.  I had to ban myself from anything that will make me cry at work.

But I was sitting at Stake Conference on Sunday and when they said the Stake Patriarch was sitting on the stand, I looked around the podium.  Because for some reason, I thought you would be there.  Or, I really, really wanted you to be.  Then I thought about your demeanor at church and how you always told me and The Judy that we are irreverent.  And I started to cry.

Mom says she and Jared see you sometimes at home. 

She said Jared always sees you from a way off.  Like you've got something to take care of over at the barn or in the lower field. 

I think about you all the time.  Especially now.  You see, I have a baby in my belly. 

At first, when I found out, I was scared God would find out someone made a mistake and gave me a baby and he would take it away.  But he didn't. 

He must have more faith in me than I have in myself. 

Either that or he thinks its a really good joke. 

Now I'm scared because so far, he's letting me keep it.

I wish you were around to give me a blessing.  I know, the priesthood is the same if the person who holds it is worthy, but I don't want them, I want you.

I want you to put your hands on my head and say my name followed by, "our precious daughter".

It always made me start crying when you said that because sometimes I wasn't sure that you liked me very much.  You know, because most of the time I'm really loud.  And maybe don't have as much common sense as some of your other kids.

I liked knowing that I was precious to you despite all of that.

I'm crying now so I have to close before it gets out of control or someone walks by and I have to explain myself. 

This is the picture of you I have in my head today:

This was almost exactly a year ago today. 

Wish you could be here now.

I miss you,