Like Moths to a Flame

Right now you're probably sitting at your table, eating your Cinnamon Toast Crunch thinking, "I wonder which one of my friends is the biggest weirdo magnet."

Don't worry.  I've got you covered.

I've done the research.

It turns out there's a 93% chance it's me.

Yesterday as I was sitting at my desk, I heard the rarely used back door open and close and then some rustling in the bathroom and in the employee refrigerator. 

I thought it was just one of the guys who'd forgotten something so I paid no mind.

Suddenly, around the corner, came a woman, obviously homeless, whom I'd never seen before.

Her arms were full of stuff.  MY STUFF.

Ok, so it wasn't all my stuff.  Beside my lunch bucket, my carton of strawberries, and my fork, she also had gathered some toilet paper, lotion, bathroom candle, and a book.

She came to my desk, chattering away.  She looked American but sounded Asian - kind of like the girl squirrel on Sword In The Stone.  You could easily tell she wasn't 100%.  Or even 25%.

I understood about every tenth word she said and was pretty entertained by her until she took my cell phone and my car keys off the corner of my desk, offering in their place, the roll of toilet paper from our bathroom.

Then it wasn't so funny.

She walked back around the corner like she was making to leave but then went through the fridge again, pulling out bottles of water and my can of peaches.

I told her she had to leave and started taking back my stuff.  I felt like a kid trying to repossess my toys.  She was not about ready to give them up.

I just kept thinking, "Lady, I have no idea what you're saying, but if you want food, you can have everything I've got.  You just can't have my Tupperware because it costs like $3 per piece and besides, I only have three bowls where the lids still match and this is one of them!"

Eventually, after asking her to leave nicely several times, I had to take her by the arm and escort her out.

This morning I found out that the lady has a name.  It's June.

She looked more like a Ruby to me.

June just got out of jail yesterday.  She has a trespassing warrant out against her here on campus. 

I can't imagine why.

If we see June again, we're supposed to call the LUPD immediately and detain her until they arrive.

The detaining shouldn't be any problem.  All I have to do is keep offering her rolls of toilet paper.

But I'm going to say this right now, if she tries to take my stuff again, she's getting a karate chop to the neck.