I had another dream about you last night.
It was horrible.
I dreamt someone was trying to take you away from me and all I could do was sob and plead with them. I kept saying over and over, "Please don't take him. I need him."
You were trying to reassure me it would be ok.
I woke up convinced you weren't really gone, but that you were somewhere and all I had to do was come pay some money and they would let you go.
It took 45 minutes for me to realize it was just a dream.
Then, I had to hold back tears for the rest of the day because it was just a dream.
I can't cry at my new job. They don't know about you and they wouldn't understand.
I had a birthday yesterday. I'm 31-years-old. I know. As in into my 30's. It might be the first birthday I've ever felt really freaked out about. Because when I was a 12-year-old Beehive, my plan at 31 wasn't anything close to where I actually am.
Come to think of it, I'm not even sure my plan included 31.
Because when I was 12, 31 was off-the charts OLD.
I didn't have a very good birthday. I think I might have bitten off more than I can chew with my job. Vonda and The Director had several conversations yesterday where I understood all the words but still had no idea what they were talking about.
I chalk it up to the fact that I'm sure that during the interview I told them I can do anything.
I think I might have lied.
I also couldn't help but think how I thought you'd be around for my 31st birthday. And my 51st birthday.
I cried last year when you called to sing me Happy Birthday.
This year I cried because you didn't.
Tomorrow Nick and I are going to watch the BYU vs. Oklahoma football game on TV.
If there's any way, can you please arrange a little heavenly help for Max Hall?
Because The Receptionist is an OU fan and I really don't want to have to admit defeat.
Love,
Erin
2 comments:
Oh, Erin, I'm so sorry. I had intended to do something nice for your birthday but unfortunately Gabi got sick and ruined all the plans. :(
I know that every "first" that comes after your dad's passing will be hard. That has to be horrible and I wish I knew how to fix it. Maybe, he was telling you in the dream that its ok to let go a little bit. I'm a big believer in dreams meaning something.
Also, don't worry about your job. I faked it for at least 2 months at my job. I had NO clue. There's a jargon and way of doing things at every job that is very confusing to newcomers. But, you'll get it and, once you get more comfortable in your position, I think you're going to LOVE it.
See you Saturday at Marsh's!!
I'm sure The Paul is putting in a few good words for Mr. Hall. How can he not, since The Judy has decided to watch BYU this year?
I think 31 is a fantastic age and you'll do quite well with it! (We both make 31 look good, and you know it!) And, just remember...you have a B.S. That stands for a whole lot more than a bachelor's degree, missy!!!
Here's to a fantastic weekend.
ps-quit making me cry and laugh at the same time.
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