My Favorite Commercials

There are two commercials playing on the local radio station that never cease to make me shoot whatever beverage I'm consuming straight out of my nose:

1. The breast feeding commercial

Apparently the Breast Feeding Coalition has paid for at least 721 hours of commercial time because it rolls around about every 20-30 minutes.

And it talks about how women have the right to breast feed in public in Texas.

But my very favorite part is when they mention that you can burn up to 600 calories per day just by breast feeding. And then this lady comes on and says, "I'm going to breast feed for as long as I can so I can get my figure back."

It's at that point I picture that lady breast feeding her 18-year-old.

Because that's how long I estimate I would have to breast feed to get my figure back.

You see, rules like that - calories burned and stuff - never actually apply to me. For instance, when they say you can eat blueberries and it will help you lose weight...ummm...I did that and gained three pounds.

Of course, it probably didn't help anything that I was slamming Kit Kats on the side.


2. The syphilis commercial

I know I've already pointed out that there's a syphilis epidemic here in southeast Texas.

The Department of Something or Other is using all of it's marketing cash on a commercial meant to scare the hell out of anyone has had sex, is thinking about having sex, or just your regular run-of-the-mill hypochondriacs such as myself.

They talk about all the signs and symptoms. And how you don't have to have the signs or symptoms to be spreading syphilis.

And then it says, "Some of the signs and symptoms include fever, sore throat, fatigue, and lymph node swelling that may go away. But you should still be checked for syphilis. Because if you don't, you may develop dementia, blindness, and paralysis."

Well ok, then. Those are three things I definitely don't want.

And so I always think I should go down and be tested for it just in case even though I already know I totally don't have it.

I know syphilis is no laughing matter but good grief, you go to the doctor thinking you have the flu but nope! It's syphilis.

That's just bad luck, man.