Thursday, April 02, 2009

Sleepless Nights

Whoever thought it was a good idea for married couples to sleep together in the same bed in the same room should be shot. I'm all for going back to the royal days where the king and the queen slept separately and the king summoned the queen only when he wanted know...

I can count the number of good-night-sleeps I've had in the last two years, two months, and twenty-six days on one hand. This is because Husband is the weirdest sleeper on the face of the planet while I, unfortunately, am the lightest one. Some of his mid-slumber activities include wrestling, snoring, stealing, kissing, talking, sleeping upside down, and disrobing.

Despite the fact that I sleep in earplugs every night, I still hear it all. Husband has no idea what he's doing and no recollection of it the next morning.

Last night was one for the books. Husband has a pillow fetish. We have five pillows on our bed. I use one, Husband gets the other four and believe me, he uses ALL of them.

At about 2:15am, I felt someone poking me in the back and Husband saying, "Baby, baby, baby..."

I thought there was a fire or something so I sat straight up to find Husband staring at me dreamily, holding out a pillow.

He said, "Look, baby, I got you a pillow."

I took the pillow, snuggled it, and went back to sleep.

Fifteen minutes later, the pillow was snatched from under my head and five minutes following that, Husband starts poking me, holding out the same pillow, and proclaiming yet again that he "got me a pillow."

Twenty minutes later he did it again, looking very pleased with himself, grinning from ear to ear with the pillow in his outstretched hand.

I took the pillow, stuffed it all the way under my body, glared at Husband, and went back to sleep.

This morning, when he asked me how I'd slept, I told him that while I appreciated him trying to be nice to me in the middle of the night, that he should refrain from doing so in the future.

And people wonder why I'm always so tired...


Holli said...

You know, I reccommend you send Nick to a Sleep Lab. I did an article about a sleep lab one time and I learned that there are over 75 different sleep disorders diagnosed there. Surely Nick's problems could be diagnosed with one of the 75! And, then, in a perfect world, you'd start getting more sleep.

Clarissa Grover said...

I pretty much made Brandon buy me a king-size bed when baby number one was on the way... I could not sleep for the life of me (apparently it has everything to do with pregnancy and nothing to do with the size of the bed). Anywho. Poor hubby no longer gets snuggles or cuddles in bed because bedtime is bedtime, and I don't want any crossing over onto my 3 1/2 feet of mattress (unless it is to give me one of 3-4 pillows I use... a product of pregnancy, this time). Your stories are hilarious, by the way.

The Livingstones said...

i have three words for you: king size bed. it's like you have your very own zip code to sleep in.

Erin said...

We've had a king size bed for two and a half years. It hasn't helped.

The Livingstones said...

i don't see why you don't just go sleep on your extra bed. i went to ours last night - not because tyler was keeping me awake. ian came in with an ear ache, and i finally got him back asleep in my spot.

Erin said...

I do sleep in the extra bed - 4-5 times a week. I can't sleep in there either.