More Letters

Dear Girl Who is Engaged to Drew Peterson -

Are you freakin' kidding me?? I think you should have your head examined. Maybe you haven't heard, but the man you are engaged to is #1 still married, #2 a suspect in the murder of his third wife, and #3 a suspect in the disappearance of his fourth wife. Maybe you're not smart enough to see a pattern, but there is a definite one emerging. Just one piece of advice: watch your back.

Wish You Were Smarter,

Erin



Dear Girl Who Brought Her Dog to Class Last Night -

Here's the deal. There are three things that are NOT cute: snakes, rats, and chihuahuas. It's a good thing you didn't put your dog (dressed in a pink gingham dress with matching hat) down on the floor or else I might just have mistaken it for a rodent and drop kicked it. And just for future reference, any dog that can be beat up by a cat is not actually a dog.

Sorry Your Dog is Ugly,

Erin



Dear Creepy-Chris,

I am sorry, I realize you are trying to get an education in massage therapy just like the rest of us, but you REALLY creep me out. The nicest thing I can say about you is that at least all your tattoos are spelled correctly. Other than that, I've got nothing. If I ever have to do massage exchange with you again and you touch my gluteus maximus and comment that it's "jiggly", the instructor won't have a chance to correct you because naked or not, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey. This is your warning.

Keeping an Eye On You,

Erin



Dear Massage Instructor,

I still maintain that the two answers you marked wrong on my test last night were correct. I am not happy with my 98. I deserve the full 100 points. Mostly because I believe I am smarter than you.

Upset,

Erin