Catching Up on My Correspondence

Dear Beaumont Snow Removal Team -

I know that you don't exist yet, but if you could prepare for the next snow storm sometime in 2018, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks,

Erin



Dear Lady Who Ran Across the Parking Lot in her Hospital Gown Two Days Ago,

Seriously? Apparently you had to make a break from the hospital, but in the future, if you feel you have to make that kind of move, please get fully dressed before venturing out into the world.

Much appreciated,

Erin



Dear Boy Band Members,

This is a decree from the Queen of the Entire World - you are not allowed to make any more Christmas albums. Period.

Regards,

The Queen



Dear Makers of Cadbury Mini-Eggs,

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I love you. And your candy.

All the love in the world,

Erin



Dear People in my Massage Class,

No, I will not be drinking at the class party I am going to be forced into attending. No, not even if you beg. Or try to manipulate me. Or try to pretend that I'm going to give into peer pressure like it's high school. Give it up already.

Forget About it,

Erin



Dear Massage Instructor,

I know that you have a crush on one of the girls in our class and you want to be as close to her for as long as possible during class, but if there's anyway you could come into my massage room and tell me what I'm doing wrong/actually instruct me, I would appreciate it. And, if there's anyway you could get rid of new-boy-who-just-joined-the-class-who-creeps-me-out, I might forgive you for not teaching me anything.

Feeling a Little Ripped Off,

Erin



Dear Curly Hair - Hair Product Makers,

Your products don't work. Either that or my hair doesn't work. Please do the research to find out which and give me a call when it's completed.

Grateful,

Erin


Dear JK Rowling,

Thank you for writing Harry Potter. Husband actually READ the sixth book. As in sit down and read. I've never seen him do that before.

Happy,

Erin


Dear Person I Have Never Liked,

If you could just stop talking, I would be completely happy. I'll even pay you. One cent for every word you think you HAVE to say but don't. You could be rich at my expense. But you never will be. Because you never shut up.

Annoyed,

Erin