1. If I could change one thing about myself it would be: how much I sweat. I sweat more than any man, woman, child, dog, or pig I have ever met - or more than all of them put together. Too bad sweat isn't a fossil fuel - I would be invaluable.
2. If I could have any job in the world it would be: an ultimate fighter. Seriously. Of course, I would have to make a rule that the other person could never touch me during the fight because I'm kind of a wimp.
3. If I could get away with any crime I would choose: A diamond heist. I want to rob the store and wear a full diamond tiara while doing it. Then, I would make people call me The Princess Robber - even at church (except there they would have to call me "Sister The Princess Robber").
4. If I could live anywhere in the world it would be: Switzerland. Or Mongolia because I've always wanted to ride in a cart pulled by a yak....yak is the funniest word in the world.
5. If I could punch anyone it would be: The lady at the gym who weighs 100 pounds but spends 90 minutes on the stair stepper in full sweatpants and a hoodie sweatshirt in the middle of the summer in Beaumont, TX because, as she explains to a friend, she "really needs to lose 20 pounds". Either her or a patient that called this morning and yelled at me saying she was "madder than piss". I wasn't aware that piss could be mad.
6. If I had millions I could donate to any cause it would be: "The cause to get stupid people sterilized" and also "the cause to stop stupid people from getting their own reality shows".
7. If I could change my name to an Indian name (preferably from the Battle of Little Big Horn) it would be: Burning Buffalo Chip Woman or perhaps Excellent at Setting Up the Tee Pee Woman...I've never done it before, but I have a feeling I would be good at it.
8. If I could convince Congress to do one thing it would be: To let me be in charge. I think I could be fair. And if I couldn't, I would hire someone who could without giving up my salary or title. The main item on my agenda would be to propose a flat tax - hey, if tithing works for the Lord, a flat tax will work for America.
9. If I could change one thing about my job it would be: All patients would have to take a draft of Truth Serum before answering any questions about their controlled substance medications. The Truth Serum would be hidden in a piece of candy and administered by your truly. I might have to slip some into my purse for use on others outside the job as well...
10. If I could go to the Olympics, the sport I would participate in would be: If it was the winter Olympics, I would definitely choose curling (because it doesn't appear to take any special athletic talent). For the summer Olympics, I would be a swimmer - Erin and Speedo just sound so good together (not to mention how good I look actually wearing one).
*Disclaimer: Last night, after reading this, Husband said, "Who tagged you with THIS?" What do you mean, who tagged me!? I thought it up ALL BY MYSELF.
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