Certifiable

Crazy #1 came to the office the other day. We always enjoy days with Crazy. Last time she came she was complaining that the sanitary wipes we provide to use before giving a urine sample were making her genitalia burn. She complained so much that there was almost a smack down between her and Lab Lady.

This time, she came fully prepared. She informed me as soon as she got to the window that she had brought her very own wipes which she had gotten from her gynecologist's office. I was pleased because bringing her own wipes should've alleviated a whole lot of problems - less of her talking, less of everyone else getting mad, and less burning of the private parts.

When she finally decided to get her urine sample (the doctor never orders them, she just does them anyway), she came to my desk to show me the wipe she had brought. Yes Crazy, it is very nice. She then proceeded to produce handful upon handful of the wipes from her overly sized bag, slapping them down on my desk.

I looked at her and said, "Crazy, what are you doing??"

Cray replied, "Well, I thought that since I come here so often, I should bring plenty of wipes. I was thinking you could keep them in your desk and give them to me every time I come in."

"Where did you get all of those wipes??"

"At the gynecologist's office."

"Do they know you took that many?"

"I told them I was going to take a few!"

"Crazy, that's not a few, that's an entire box full."

"Yeah, I know. I give so many urine samples, I thought I needed them. Now put them in your desk drawer."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE YOU ARE CRAZY." (I said this in my head)

Anyway, her urine came back negative JUST LIKE IT HAS EVERY TIME FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS.

And guess what else? Amazingly, while she was here, a BOX of sanitary wipes went missing from OUR bathroom. One guess as to who it was. It seems she's already forgotten that those particular wipes damage her unmentionables.

As if we didn't already know it, this makes her certifiable.