The other day, a patient came into the office and was talking to me about my book. She just kept saying how amazing she thought it was that I'd been all over the world. Then, she asked me a question that no one has ever asked me before. She said, "Now that you're home, do you ever feel let down?"
YES!! That's exactly what I had been thinking but I didn't know how to explain it. Going from a life where I was a semi-celebrity, able to take vacation and travel every 2-3 months, and doing something that I loved back to where I am now makes my life seem boring and lifeless.
Then on Saturday as I was sitting around doing nothing I realized that my life is not actually boring and lifeless...it is NORMAL. I had been thinking that other people around me were secretly doing super fun things all the time and that their lives were obviously so much more exciting. But no, they go to work just like I do, come home and clean the house just like I do, go grocery shopping just like I do. This is not dull, this is LIFE.
I finally figured out that I am going to have to learn to glory in plainness if I am going to feel fulfilled. As it is right now, I hate to cook, I hate to clean, I hate to grocery shop, and I hate doing laundry. It's not that I have to learn to LOVE it, but there has to be some way to find a certain satisfaction in it.
It's doubly scary for me because once we start having babies, I plan to stay home with them, meaning that all of those things that I hate are going to become a HUGE part of my life. I don't want to be one of those women who, when their husband comes home, is in a bad mood because I feel like my life is being wasted by having to do housework.
So, I guess the real question is, how on earth do I do it?
9 comments:
I totally struggled with this for the first couple years of our marriage. I was a do it yourself- fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl... and then all the sudden I felt like I was thrown a ton a repsonsibility and my dreams were dead. This sent me into horrible panic attacks(no joke!) For me, I've just had to learn to balance everything. Writing was my answer. I can say that I'm a stay at home mom AND a writer... that made a difference. Also, don't forget to do things that you love - join clubs that interest you, take a few continuing education courses, do whatever you need to do to feel like you. Because you can never force yourself into the mold of stereotypical "housewife" if you're not that - it's like me wearing a size 4 jeans, just ain't gonna happen!
By the way, I'm reading your book, too and I am SO JEALOUS! You lived an entire life in a couple of years... amazing. You'll have to write a book about Africa, too. I'm very curious.
You know, it is really a huge change. Sometimes I feel like I am wasting away, but then my kid shows me how he learned to write his name or gets excited about helping me sweep the floor and it is all worth it. I finally just had to decide that what I was doing was more important than any job I could have been doing. We end up making games out of doing the laundry and stuff. It ends up being a lot more fun that way than I ever thought. Grocery shopping, too. I always go to the store with the free samples everywhere. That makes it awesome. I'm sure that as wonderful as your husband is he'll help out just as much as mine does.
I hear ya! Now that I'm living at home again with the parents, I am getting to see the day to day dullness that is life. Japan was exciting, but life can be fun too. Don't give up and find joy in what you do.
I'm Heather Porter's mom. Go ahead - become a superhero! I pity the poor child who's parents have no aspirations or creativity! If you are bored staying home, think how your poor kids feel! (I know you don't have any yet - so all that is rhetorical, so I know I'm not insulting you - just making a statement!) Anyway, have FUN! Life is great!
Grammie Jammies
Holy freak, my mother left you a comment! You're in for it now! :) Hey, I'm starting a new game. How many words can you spell with your middle and last names?
Yes, I shall be creative with my kids. I'm afraid I am going to have to leave Beaumont to do it though, because right now, there are only two real options: we could go play with the broken glass that is in ALL of the grass at ALL of the parks in the area OR we could dress up as midevil people and go spar in one of the parks with pretend swords I'm serious. The missionaries claim to have seen those people. And just a guess, but I'm sure they are very strange.
Yikes! Beaumont sounds a little like Royal City (where I live), minus the midevil folk. Although those midevil folk did meet at a park in Provo, swords and all. It was a park on State and 500 N., or somewhere around there. Eerie. My creative winter outing with my kids consists of crowns and the Burger King playland. Glamorous, I know.
Anyway, I think everyone struggles with some of the same things that you mentioned, kids or not. And I think that you are a step ahead of most people in recognizing that you don't want get in that "rut", but that you want lead a fulfilling life. If you have that perspective, you will find joy in the little, everyday aspects of life. And because you are the hilarious, happy, fun-loving person that you are, I have no doubt that your life will always be an adventure. By the way, did I tell you that I LOVE reading your blog? I frequently turn here because I know your stories(a.k.a. your everyday, normal life) will always make me smile!
Good questions. But greater insights.
I wish you and your husband continued success in all that you do.
You asked all great questions but I don't doubt that you'll figure it out. You always do. What's even more amazing is now you've got a great guy to walk with you. Your experiences in Japan were great but will not overshadow the adventures you and your hubby are now and will go through together.
I am so excited for the two of you! One day, you can write about the "adventures" you and your hubby have gone through together.
Keep it up! You're doing a good job.
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