Rules to Live By

I'm not really one for a lot of rules. However, there are three rules that I have made in my own life that I feel are VERY important: #1 There is no pinching of fat (I have had to revise this rule recently because Husband was breaking it just for the heck of it), #2 I reserve the right to make up rules at anytime, for anybody, for any amount of time, #3 I generally try to stay away from crazy people. This is because craziness runs in my family, and much like alcoholics can't be around other alcoholics, I can't be around other crazy people. My Grandma Satan was crazy...and mean, too.

While I hold these rules very near and dear to my heart, it seems that there are other people who don't live by these rules. It causes great havoc in my life. As hard as it is to believe, the doctor that I work for apparently doesn't believe in my #3 rule. When I get to work, the office is full of crazies...some because they are old and can't help it, some because they are just plain crazy.

Yesterday one of the craziest of the crazies came in. This is the lady, that when she is talking to you, the only thing you can think is, "SOMEONE GIVE ME A GUN! I'M GOING TO SHOOT MYSELF BECAUSE PUTTING A BULLET IN MY OWN BODY CAN'T BE NEARLY AS PAINFUL AS SPEAKING TO THIS WOMAN!"

First off, the lady is a pathological liar. She changes her story about every ten minutes or so. Second, she is on so many different types of medication that they've somehow got to be reacting with each other and making her nervous, jumpy, and have to go to the bathroom every five minutes (sometimes even less and I'm not exaggerating). Third, she has diarrhea of the mouth. I've never heard someone talk so much about nothing. She doesn't care if you're on the phone, if someone else is trying to get her attention, if you need to leave - SHE DOESN'T CARE. And finally, she's a total sucker, meaning that she sucks not only your will to live, but any kind of happy emotion that you may have in your entire body. She sucks it out and it's replaced with nothing but exhaustion (and also anger).

Yesterday, the story she was telling me was that several doctors had refused to see her. Well yeah, lady! Look at you! You're a total nut job! I would NEVER want to be your doctor. I wouldn't be able to put up with you for the time that it would take you to tell me about all of your supposed medical problems.

I'm going to have to tell the doctor that whenever she comes (about once a week wherein she stays for three hours), I have to have time off. Despite what everyone says, craziness is contagious and even if it's really NOT, talking to that woman is enough to make you think it is.