NEVER AGAIN

This wedding business is way out of control. It's so stupid that there's such great pressure on looking your best. What's even more stupid than that is that I have succumbed to said pressure. The hair, the makeup, the fingernails, the tanning, and naturally, my very first bikini wax. Now, for those of you that don't wish to hear about "down there", please tune out now.

Ever since watching "The Breakup", Nick has mentioned Jennifer Aniston's Brazilian bikini wax like 400 times. I thought as a nice wedding present to him, I would try it out. I made an appointment and showed up, expecting the best. Instead, what I got was what can only be considered the best form of Russian torture.

Things were ripped and pulled and prodded and covered in searing hot wax. The lady (who also happened to barely speak English), kept pulling hair off of my most sensitive parts and then holding it up saying, "See? It goo!!"

And while she was doing that, I winced in pain and tried with everything that I have to not 1. smack her, 2. pass out, and 3. scream bloody murder. By the time she had pulled 10+ cotton strips of my hair out, I had had ENOUGH. I told her to finish up the sides and to freaking forget the "Brazilian" part of the stupid waxing.

Seriously. Stupid Jennifer Aniston for putting it in his head anyway. The lower half of my body is now red, burning, and inflammed. NOTHING is worth that much pain.

Oh, and also while I'm on the subject of things I'll never do again: shopping for lingerie with my mother. Now, I know that there are people who do this and think that it's completely normal. My family is NOT one of those families. I mean, my red face nearly burst into flames when my mom held up a pair of thong panties and said, "Well, Erin, I don't know why you need this. It won't even stay on that long." OH!!! MY EARS! STOP, PLEASE STOP.