Micro Greens

I super dig watching cooking shows.

Like Top Chef.  And Pioneer Woman.  And Trisha Yearwood.

But I'm sorry, not Ina Garten because she seems all uppity.  Mostly because she has to use proper measuring cups and none of the others do, they just throw stuff in and create deliciousness.  PS  You know who else has to cook with specific measuring devices?  Me.

However, there is one cooking trend that I just cannot get on board with.

Microgreens.  Micro greens.  Micro-greens.  See, I don't even know how to spell it properly because it shouldn't be a thing.

Every time I see a chef using micro greens, I can only think one thing, "Are you being serious right now?"

Do you know what micro greens are?  Dandelions and water cress.

Water cress and dandelions.

We used to have water cress growing in all of the creeks around our house (and if you know what's good for you, you'll pronounce that "crick", the way God intended) and we used to pick it so we could pluck the tiny snails out of the roots and put them in bottles until they died and stank and Mom made us throw them out.

To be clear, we didn't mean to have dead, stinky snails, we meant to have live, super fun snails that lived in glass bottles for our entertainment.

Clue:  snails are neither fun nor entertaining, even alive.

And dandelion greens are weeds.  Weeds, people.

My mom always had grand visions of having a lawn without dandelions and one year she even sprayed for dandelions and then ended up with dead patches of grass instead, so she decided she preferred the dandelions.

Plus, there really is nothing more charming than a small baby handing you a dandelion like it's the most precious, beautiful gift in the world.  Because then, it totally is.

Just don't make me pay $15 for a salad that includes the greens.

Because that's not food.