Thursday, January 01, 2015

The Kid - December 2014

The Kid: We danced at the gym today.
Me: Can you show me? Dance with me?
The Kid: No, I can only dance with boy people and only for true love.

Me: Hey, do you want to wear a headband to church?
The Kid: No, I like my hair just like this.
Me: But it will help you look more girly.
The Kid: But mama, headbands poke my head. Being girly hurts.

The Kid to a random man in line at the register at Lowe's, "That is an excellent purchase. I believe you will really enjoy that."

The Kid found Husband's missionary tag yesterday:
Me: Do you want to serve a mission?
The Kid: Well, I already did last time I went to Nevada. I was a kid missionary.
Me: But don't you want to serve one when you get older?
The Kid: Well, I can't possibly go because I am now the mother to two doll babies.

The Kid: MOM! There is something hangy in the back of my mouth, right before my throat! It's called a vulva.  
Me: No, dude, no. It's called a uvula. Close. But not at all close.

Talking to her grandmother on the phone:
Grandma: Rudolf (the reindeer) is a friend of mine.
The Kid: Really?! That's freaking amazing!

"Mama, I'm really sad to say that we'll not be able to climb Mount Everest because I don't want the yeti to get you."

Watching Brave and Merida is talking about finding her fate (with her Scottish accent) and this, "Mama, why is she having so much trouble finding her feet? All she has to do is look down. They're right there."

Sitting in the living room when I hear The Tater screaming at the bottom of he stairs. I run over to find him pushed over and wearing a football helmet:
Me: Did you push your brother?
The Kid: Well, yes, I did, but I put the football helmet on him first so I could push him hard and it would only hurt a little.

The Kid: When we get a house, can we get it in a place better than Texas?
Me: Like where?
The Kid: Perhaps Australia.
Me: That's really far away.
The Kid: Well, maybe not Australia then, because I might pee my pants on the plane.

"Mama, I have some good news. They gave me a Jesus sticker at school and I put it on the back of the seat in your car so I can remember Jesus. And that means I don't ever have to pray again!"

The Kid: Christmas is Jesus' birthday.
Me: Well, we celebrate his birthday then, but he was probably born in the spring.
The Kid: You mean he wouldn't come out at Christmas? Mary should have seen Dr. Smith. He would have taken him out for her.

Me: Maybe you could take your doll on your date with daddy.
The Kid: Well, that would be delightful!

Husband: What'd you get me for Christmas?
The Kid: None of your beeswax. We made a deal. I don't tell you what I bought you and you'll stop asking.
PS The Kid chose Husband's gift all on her own. When I suggested something different she said, "Oh, no, I know daddy and this is the gift he will be pleased with."

The Kid just walked into the living room with her cup of hot chocolate and proclaimed, "Oh, I just love this time of year!"

Watching the Santa tracker and Santa was spotted over Russia:
The Kid: Did they say Russia?
Me: Yes.
The Kid: Santa is going to deliver to RUSSIA?!
Me: Yes. He takes toys there, too.
The Kid: But mama, they stole the Ukrainian's toys! That's enough!

Before going to bed last night, "Mama, I have a feeling something really big is going to happen in my life!"

The Kid was looking through our wedding photos:
The Kid: What are you doing here?
Me: Posing for pictures. Don't you think I look pretty?
The Kid: I don't know about pretty. You look lost to me.
As if I needed further confirmation that I'm just not that photogenic.

Me: Hey, dude, come check this out. That polar bear is going to eat that seal.
The Kid: I'll karate the polar bear so he won't.
Me: Where'd you learn karate?
The Kid: Oh, mama, I didn't learn it. It's instinctual.

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