The Kid - April 2015

Stopped for some tacos yesterday on the way home. The Kid walks up to the counter:

The Kid: Do you by chance have chicken and fries here?
Lady: No, we have tacos.
The Kid: Mama, we gotta get outta here.

The Tater sneezed and had snot hanging out of his nose, which he was trying to lick up (I know, I know, YUCK) and this, "Mama, I've actually tried boogers before and they are absolutely delicious. Maybe you should just let Tater do what he wants. I believe daddy would approve of this plan."

The Kid: I have bad news. Global warming has already started!
Me: Oh, yeah?
The Kid: Yes! We must do something to combat it!

The Kid: Where are we going?
Me: Cheddars.
The Kid: I'm not really in to Cheddar's. I'm more in to McDonald's. And my birthday. And scooters. That's what I'm in to.

I bought a twelve cans of corn at the store yesterday:

The Kid: Why did you buy all this corn?
Me: So we have some in the house when we need it.
The Kid: Clearly you bought too much. We will be giving half of it to people who don't have food. Good job, mama!

Someone was squirming in her car seat and demonstrating loudly that she was going to pee her pants. We stopped and she ran for the toilet and was in there for a while. When I asked if she was ok, "I'm not able to go the bathroom like I'd hoped. I guess I misunderstood."

The Kid asked about fourteen times this morning when lunch was:

The Kid: When's lunch time?
Me: Right now.
The Kid: Then heat me up some taco soup, baby!

Me: Dude, you'd better not be tying the vacuum cord to that stool.
The Kid: But mama, I'm attempting to make a lair. Every proper villain needs a lair.

The Kid runs downstairs, "Mama, quick, I'm going to need a cut-up apple, some food coloring, a stick, and seven pieces of cheese. There's no time time to explain!"

"Mama, I just gave tater my favorite pink blankey and I feel really good about it. Maybe next time you want to spank me you can think about moments like this and not spank me instead."

The Kid: Why does the garbage truck smash the garbage?
Me: To make room for more garbage. 
The Kid: Oh, so you're saying it's just like the process that goes on in our stomach.
Me: Er...yes. That's what I'm saying.

Kicking the soccer ball around when I kicked it past The Kid and this, "Wow, mama that was amazing! I believe you've had some training in this area!"

PS I am awful at soccer.

Me: Why are you wearing a sweater? Are you cold?
The Kid: I don't know if I'm cold or not. I'm just wearing it to be awesome.

The Kid: I love owls because they're nocturnal. Why do you love owls?
Me: Because they poop out of their mouth.
The Kid: Now there's something you don't hear everyday.