Saturday, November 30, 2013

On Facebook

Me: Dude, why aren't you doing what I ask you to do? It's kinda making me mad.
The Kid: Oh, mama, I'm so sorry I'm being naughty.
Me: Does that mean you're going to do what I say?
The Kid: Well, probably not today. But we can sure try again tomorrow.

A lady at the gym: Man, you is lookin' goooooood, girl! Like yo face ain't fat or nothin'!

Um. Thanks?

The difference between kids and adults:

Me: CRAP! The street's flooded, my phone is wet and not working, I have so much to do today! This SUCKS.

The Kid: Hey, mom! Let's put on our swimming suits and walk back down the street to swim in all that big water!

Made a MAJOR tactical error this morning by telling The Kid we're leaving for Dallas this afternoon. For the entire last hour, she's been packing her backpack with essentials such as socks, stickers, a sword, and about seven stuffed animals. After every addition, she reminds me that she's already ready to go...and WHEN ARE WE LEAVING?

It's decided. I'm officially going to be that one weird mom - from now on, I'm celebrating every major holiday one week after it's over. Halloween candy that would have cost me $11 yesterday cost me $3.98 this morning. I'll be weird, but I'll be 50-75% richer!

The Kid: There's a boy at the gym who's ridiculous.
Me: Ridiculous?
The Kid: He said Spiderman is only for boys. See? Ridiculous.

The Good News: Baby boy has made his way to proper birthing position. We're ready to rock this. The Bad News: I'm really porking it up - 3 pounds in one week. I blame it on Buc-ee's fudge.

Some random lady hunkered down in front of The Kid at the gym today and said, "Are you having a baby soon?"

The Kid, completely straight faced, replied, "No. My mama says I can have a baby in my belly in thirty years."

It's been decided. I do not like contractions. No, siree, I sure don't. Especially ones that are completely pointless. In other news, The Judy is due to arrive one week from today and then I will FINALLY have someone to play with my hair. That's pretty much all I need.

Dear Dude at Target:

You're seriously going to honk at and flip off the very pregnant woman with the three year old who is painfully shuffling across the parking lot? Really? I was literally going as fast as I could. I hope a bee flies up your nose.

From, Erin

The Kid while in the line at the grocery store, observed Miley Cyrus on the front of a magazine in a VERY short dress:

"I think she forgot to put on her skirt. Then everyone is going to see her undies. And that's not being a lady, right, mama?"

The Judy is in house! And that means whistling, singing, and marching around. The Kid thinks she's in heaven.

Tender mercies: hand and foot massages, mom in town, a pot of gumbo on the stove, and homemade peppermint bark delivered straight to my door by my sister-in-law.

Tate Nicholas Peters. Born this morning at an even 8lbs and 20 inches long (18 inches in the torso apparently). I have yet to see or hold him as he is in the NICU until they're satisfied with lung function!

Day 2: My bladder's all mine again! And, I may be having a semi-love affair with the hospital breast pump...because, really, what else would I be doing? Still haven't seen or held The Kid Part Deux (now known as "Deux" or TKPD), but they assure me I'll be able to some time this morning.

Was able to hold Deux for an hour! NICU! It's par-ty time! He's eating well and there's a possibility he'll be transferred to the normal nursery tomorrow morning.

Why yes, we are the jerks who put a do not disturb sign on our hospital door..mostly because we don't want the pushy picture ladies anywhere near us.

The Kid: All those people at the window are looking at my baby brudder. They're being naughty. He's mine. Right, mama?

The Kid was trying to hold a conversation with TKPD, "Babies don't say very much. I love this baby."

I thought the worst part of a c-section was the recovery, but it's actually having to explain to a 3-year-old why you're no fun/can't do XYZ for a couple of weeks. And also deflecting her constant requests that you open The Boy's diaper so she can check on his "extra nipple".

Rocking a baby to sleep = rocking myself to sleep while the baby hiccups on my lap

I haven't done the 900 days of thankfulness, but today I'd like to.put something out there. I'm thankful for pain medication. Like, really REALLY thankful.

The Kid: Mama, when I get big, I wish I can have a nice milk cow machine like yours to feed my baby.

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