Monday, January 14, 2013

This Week (or like three weeks) On Facebook

Those who've never let themselves get chubby and out of shape will never know the triumph of completing a task that used to be easy. 2.5 miles today at a 12 min pace - due to my awesome math skills, I thought I was running an 11 min pace the entire time. So disappointing. Either way, it almost killed me. Another .7 miles at that pace and The Gusher 5K won't know what hit it! BAM!

I didn't really care who won the Outback Bowl until the CEO of Outback announced that if South Carolina won, everyone would get a free Bloomin' Onion tomorrow. Um. Go Gamecocks!

I did not appreciate having to fight for a treadmill with the New Year's Resolutioners. In other news, I only go to the gym to bring the sexy back.

The Kid: Mamma, I'm really hungry. I'm gonna need a bowl of green beans.

Woke The Kid up a little early this morning. She sat up in bed and said, "I'm just so happy to see you! Today we should catch a Chameleon and drink hot chocolate!" Ok then. Looks like our day is pretty much planned.

The Kid as I'm trying to take down my massage table, "Ok, mamma, hop on up, Ima make a ME-ssage for you. Ita make you feel soooooo good." After three pats on the back she said, "Ok, that's plenty. You feel fine now."

Since I'm not getting rich as fast as I want to, I've decided to accept sponsors to further my awesomeness. The good news to those who wish to take advantage of this outstanding opportunity is that a Tier One contribution will only be $600! $200 for a surger, $225 to become a licensed Zumba instructor, and $80-90 for new running shoes. Any extra cash will go toward a new hair do. I will also accept smaller donations, but you will not get sponsorship credit.

The Kid as we're leaving Husband at home to go out for some errands, "It's ok, Daddy, you don't have to cry. That's just really weird."

I've accidentally taught The Kid to be a picker. She pointed to a spot on my back and said, "What's this?" I told her it was a zit. She smiles at me and says, "Mama, let's make it bleed!"

Surrounded by Latinos doing Latin dances...I've never felt so...white.

I love that The Kid refers to Popeyes Fried Chicken as "the red gym". Why yes, yes that is the gym!

Six years today I married the sassiest man alive. He really is so lucky to have me. Happy Anniversary to my best boyfriend.

Husband is making a fire in the BBQ. The Kid says, "Oh, daddy, I like your fire. It's very beautiful. You've done just wonderful. Mamma, daddy made a boom-shaka-laka!"

So. Bad news. The elastic is shot in my fat compressing workout clothes. And that means more jiggle to my wiggle. Ugh.

Today in zumba I danced close enough to the mirror to realize that I don't look nearly as sassy as I thought I did...and that I look remarkably like Clucky from the cartoon version of Robin Hood.

The Kid as I'm yelling at my phone for not working, "Hey, hey, hey. You need to calm down."

Walking out of the gym this morning I say to The Kid, "Dude, I stink!" To which she replies, "Did you poop your pants, mommy? It's ok, we can clean it up. Next time, try to go in the potty, ok?"

If people don't want me to sing during exercise classes, they ought to stop playing such awesome songs. I mean, who can keep from belting it out when Bad Medicine comes on? Really.

The bottom line on Good Morning America this morning, "A recent survey reveals that Congress is now less popular with the American public than colonoscopies or root canals." Um. Whose idea was it to compare Congress to those two things? Regardless, that's pretty much how I feel about Congress right now. Except I would compare my dislike to having a pap smear...

So. I had a breakfast burrito this morning made with freeze dried cheese and sausage. Quite delicious if I do say so myself. Wanna try it? Shelf Reliance party on the 25th! The food will be good and I'll be there...what more does anyone need?

The Kid, "Mamma, I'm just really sick. I'm gonna need some ice cream. Right now."

You know what makes you look like an A1 Spiffy Mother? When your 2-year-old busts out with Christina Aguilera's "All I Wanna Do Is Rock Your Body" in the middle of sacrament meeting.


Kami D. said...

Your daughter is hilarious. There are numerous comments she has made that make me burst out loud.

Emelie said...

Your daughter is amazing! I dont even know her personally, but she is quite the cool kiddo! Hey...Im interested in that Shelf Reliance - please tell me you live in the relative area of Beaumont-ish...

Erin said...

Emelie - Yes, I live in Beaumont! If you want to come to the party, it's January 25th at 7pm at my friend's home. We have a consultant coming from Orange! Let me know and I'll send you all of the info!