I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to take a break from being a Mormon.
Not like a prolonged break, or anything, just for a few months.
I have good reasons:
1. It is too damn hot to continue to dress modestly. Tooooo hoooooot. In order not to show my cracks (cleavage or bum), I always have to wear undershirts. That means that at any given time, I have 3-4 layers of clothing on. In Texas. During the summer. That's almost as stupid as running around in a bikini in Alaska during January.
2. The Mormons apparently still can't afford air conditioning. I know I'm ultra sweaty anyway, but today at church I sweated all the way through my 4 layers of clothing. I was talking to people while wiping sweat from my forehead and upper lip. I feel like I need to carry around a bottle of Gatorade to stay hydrated.
3. For the first time in my life, I feel like my life would be better if I could just have a good, stiff drink.
And speaking of being Mormon and going to church, here's the conversation I had today with Bobbi King:
BK: How's that husband of yours doing?
Me: Oh, he's ok.
BK: You know you gotta take care of him because he's my matinee idol.
Me: Uhhh....what?
BK: The first time he taught Sunday School, I turned to the other ladies and said, "Ladies, I think I'm in love." And then we talked amongst ourselves and found that all the other ladies were in love, too. And I said, "Oh, finally, I've found my matinee idol." Of course, now that we get BYU TV, I have a lot of matinee idols.
For those of you who don't know what a matinee idol is, click here.
And try not to giggle too much.
6 comments:
Oh I tried not to giggle, that is too cute! Guess we will have to tease Nick about his older girly friends!! Hahahaha
Well, aren't you lucky to be married to Beaumont 1st Ward's version of Ricky Nelson and Keith Partridge.
I fell asleep in Sacrament meeting because of the heat combined with getting off work at 1AM. They have got to get that thing fixed!
Not that I'm encouraging this or anything, but do you remember the story of our grandmothers coming home from church and fixing themselves a drink? A highball, if I remember correctly.
YES, Jennilyn, that's what I'm talking about! A highball! That's what I need! Although, I at this point, I might just go with a Jim Beam straight up.
From what I understand, Tequila tastes terrible but works faster.
I consider skipping the Mormon calling every once in a hour too...mostly when my children are being hoodlums and all I can think is "OH MY GOSH LIFE WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I DRANK!"
Yeah.
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