What is "Normal", Anyway?

1.  There are babies out there who like the bath tub, right?  I mean, like, they sit and play in the water and have a good time?  Carolyn isn't interested in any of that.  For the past three weeks, bath time has been like Wrestlemania.  She slips and slides down the bath to look at the drain and constantly feels the need to pull up to put her mouth all over the faucet.  She has no time in her busy schedule for me to actually put soap on the washcloth and wash her down.  No, sir.  She's busy.

2.  I've been reading a lot on baby nutrition because I'm scared to death that Carolyn isn't getting what she needs.  Everything I've read has given these ridiculous amounts of food Carolyn should be consuming - like 24-30 oz of formula along with 1/2 cup each of fruits and vegetables, 3-9 tablespoons of cereal, 1/4 cup of dairy, 1/4 cup of protein foods, 3-4 oz of juice, etc.  Holy cow, but we're struggling just to get her to 24 oz of formula alone and we're only able to do that if she eats every four hours on the dot.   Generally she only makes it to 18-20.  She does 3 tablespoons of cereal and then 1/2 cup of either fruit or vegetables throughout the day.  And even at this, she still pukes up at least a quarter of it if not more. How on earth are we supposed to get all the food in her stomach?

3.  And speaking of food and her puking, I bought some apple/cherry and berry/banana baby food for her.  This might have been a mistake because the other day, I went to get her from her nap and found what I thought was vomited blood all over her crib.  I'd completely forgotten that I'd given her cherries...

4.  I went down to Lane Bryant the other day to see if I could pick up a new pair of shorts.  They have this funny system where clothes are not only listed by size, they're also listed by shape.  There are circles, triangles, and squares.  Apparently if you have a square body-type, it means you are giant on top and have little pixie legs.  Circles mean you pull your pants up over your giant rear end and gut.  And triangles mean you have a tiny waist and huge old hips and thighs.  Guess who doesn't fit in a single pair of their shorts, regardless of size or varying shape?  You got it.  Me.

5.  I have officially become the weird lady who loiters outside grocery stores.  Sometimes when I have no massage clients, I sit in the rocking chairs outside the front of the HEB next door.  I think the greeter thinks I'm a freak, but I must be scary-looking enough that she's not telling on me.

6.  I've found a dance studio that does adult clogging classes!  The bad news is that the next class doesn't start until September.  They said I could totally come down and register in late July if I want to.  How on earth am I going to remember that?  I mean, that's four months away!

7.  We're headed to the fair tonight.  I'm so excited, I can hardly wait for 5 pm.  There will be pork-on-a-stick.  Maybe I'll drive down there right now instead of waiting...

8.  Except I can't drive anywhere because The Tank is still in the shop.  I'm compulsively checking my phone just in case I missed the call saying she's ready to be picked up.

9.  I need a new hobby.  I've been wracking my brain for things I could do and have come up with nothing.  Mostly I just want to go back to school to become an aesthetician.  And this is because I had another person with two giant back zits the other day and had to close my eyes so I wouldn't try to pick them.

10.  Husband made a blueberry-banana-cream pie last night.  It's in the fridge.  And it's calling my name.  Evil, evil little pie.