Oh, the Guilt!

The very best thing about being a massage therapist is the ability to set my own schedule.

My current schedule is a reflection of times where Husband is available to be home with Carolyn - for the most part.

It's worked really, really well.

The only problem?

The Owner thinks he should be in charge of my schedule.

In the past month, they've scheduled appointments at times when, according to my schedule, I was not going to be at work.

Being that I'm new to the industry and in trying desperately to build a clientele, I've been trying to be as accommodating as I can.

I've changed schedules, gotten babysitters, swapped things around, etc.

As of yesterday I was well aware that they'd booked an 11am appointment for me this morning.

But I pretended I wasn't.

Because I'm already tired of scrambling to make things work.

They called at 11 asking where I was.

I told them I don't come in till two.

But the lady was already there.

I don't come in till two.

But the appointment was on the books.

Yeah, but as clearly marked in the book, I don't come in until two.

Well, we need you to come in now.

I can't.  I have a baby and no babysitter.

Well, what should we do now?

Ummmm, see if she can come in when I'm actually going to be there?

Oh, and stop booking appointments for me when I'm unavailable and funnel them toward when I am - like yesterday afternoon when I didn't have a single appointment. 

Or maybe this afternoon when I only have one.

Then I hung up the phone.

And immediately felt guilty.

Maybe I should have arranged something. 

Maybe I should have run down there.

Maybe I should make more of my time available.

But then I remembered that the whole idea of this gig is not to make more time available for them, it's to make more time available for my family.

Sigh.

I want to be the best therapist I can be while also being the best mother I can be.

That whole balance thing?

I still can't figure it out.